Unfamiliar Paths

Moving (blogs that is...)

2011-03-19T23:59:00.000-05:00

I haven't really had anything inspired or particularly exciting to blog about lately. One thing I'm doing though is moving my blog over to www.unfamiliarpaths.com (through wordpress- so you'll have to follow that address instead (or www.unfamiliarpaths.wordpress.com- same thing). I haven't done much to format that page yet though- so don't roam around too much because it's still under construction. I did import all of my blog posts though... so the info is there at least. *(And if you've been following me on your blogger account and want to add the new site just go to your dashboard and where it says 'blogs i'm following', hit the 'add' button, then paste in the new address).

I finished my first round of blanket projects and am about to hit round two. I wanted to blog about this second batch because I bought some really crazy fabrics this time... Hope I don't blind the new babies... hee hee. I'm sure it's some deep seated emotional response to how beige my house is currently, but hey- it's just a creative outlet, right?

So- if you want to see the new fabrics, you'll have to check out the new blog....www.unfamiliarpaths.com

Shameless Advertising

2011-03-08T17:11:00.001-06:00

Hi blog friends,
I'm doing a little shameless advertising today. Groupon is this great $ saving site that I've been using for about a year now. They have deals for most major cities- and some smaller cities/areas too. They're doing a promotion right now where they'll give me $20 just for doing shameless advertising. :) If you click this link, sign up to get their emails, and buy a deal/make a purchase by March 21st, I'll get $20.

How it works: You sign up your email address to receive their emails for daily deals they offer in your area. You receive their emails. Every day they promote a different store/company in your area/sometimes websites. You can buy a deal or just delete the email. No commitment, no extra cost to you. Some examples of deals I've bought before:

Buy a $20 am*zon gift card for $10.
Buy a $30 gift certificate for 'So and so's mexican restaurant' for $15.

Then, after you buy your deal, you can print the coupon the next day, and then take it with you to use at the store/restaurant- or use the online code if it's for a website. :) Most groupons are good for 6 months. Easy peasy lemon squeezy, as my 7 year old says.

So, if it's something that you might want to do, you can either sign up on your own without following my link, or you can give me $20 to use toward future groupons by clicking here.

http://www.groupon.com/r/uu5844475

After you follow the link above and sign up, then go to this link, and buy this amazing deal:

$15 for $50 Worth of Photo Books, Cards, and More from Mixbook http://www.groupon.com/dallas/deals/mixbook-dallas?utm_campaign=UserReferral&utm_medium=email&utm_source=uu5844475

This is a great deal to do a printable scrapbook/book thing!

Drumroll please...

2011-02-18T19:35:00.003-06:00

And the lucky winner of a set of Indian spice mixtures is.... #9! Beautiful Sohailah! So excited for you. I'll get these ordered and put together some recipes to include with them! :)

(thankyou random.org for your random number generating software... :))

And the rest of you will have to just try some of these recipes on your own. Since I am currently on an Aarti kick, here are some of the recipes that I've either already tried or can't wait to try!

Aarti's baked samosas

Awesome looking Lamb Kabobs from the Food Network site
Shrimp/Prawn Masala

Chicken Tikka Masala ***FAVORITE

Red Lentils

Rice Pudding

And, finally, just to put my two cents in: How I spice up my normal life to taste a bit more like India

Make chicken salad with chicken, celery, onion, etc... (whatever you usually put in) but then in addition to mayo (a little less than what you'd do normally), add this: 1 tbsp butter/olive oil in a small saute pan, add 1 tbsp garam masala or madras curry seasoning (both of which you should be able to find in your local grocery store spice jars). Let the spices bloom w/oil over medium heat for about a minute while stirring, then mix it in the chicken salad.
Make any kind of stew, soup, or stir fry. When you're starting to cook it, and you are sauteeing/softening your veggies, add salt, pepper, 1 tbsp garam masala, a few cloves of crushed garlic, a spoon of crushed ginger if you have it, and a tsp of cumin. YUM. Let it cook through/bubble before you throw in other veggies/items.
Serve your Indian food with basmati rice. :) I don't know if you have tasted the difference, but after living in India, every other rice (except maybe Jasmine) just isn't as tasty... :) It's got a slightly nutty, richer flavor than our american rice.

I do not consider myself an Indian chef AT ALL. I'm just a girl that likes food- and I want everyone to try Indian spices/dishes because I feel like overall, people here are a bit hesitant. Just remind yourself that there are as many kinds of curries out there as there are different kinds of chili in the U.S. (Chicken chili, red chili, spaghetti w/chili, tomatillo chili, Vegetarian chili, etc...). You can't just try one and say you don't like every other kind. Right? :)

Getting All Curried Away **Giveaway!

2011-02-13T23:31:00.008-06:00

I received a really thoughtful gift from my mother-in-law for Christmas that I've been using and I have really enjoyed- so I'm going to share the love with one of you! I should have called this 'Favorite Things' and gone all Oprah on you, but you'll have to do that part with your imagination...

I want to introduce one of my favorite things when wanting to quickly cook an Indian meal: (say it in your best Oprah loud announcement voice) "PENZEY'S SPICES!!!!" ;) They have stores in a lot of places around the country, but they also have a beautiful catalog with recipes that comes out several times a year.

You can open the pdf file of their catalog or you can go to their website and request a copy be mailed to you. There are a handful of Indian recipes in the Spring 2011 Catalog (Butter Chicken, Lemon Rice, and Tandoori Lamb). Page 20 is where the pre-mixed curries/seasonings start. Their website is not particularly easy to navigate/has no pictures, so the catalog is definitely an easier source to browse. They do have recipes on their website too though- and you can search through those fairly easily. FYI: Their Tandoori Chicken recipe is delish and tastes just like the real deal.

Some of Penzey's Indian Currys

So, to spice up your February, I'm giving away a small box of spices, similar to the one pictured here. I'm going to send a lucky winner a 1/4 cup jar of each of these .

Garam Masala- The formula for this blend was brought into the store by a Punjabi man who had recently moved to the U.S. It was his mother's recipe and in exchange for grinding and blending the whole spices for him, he gave it to us. His mother was proud to hear that her blend had become a hit in America.

Sweet Curry Powder- A good starter curry powder-great flavor with little heat. Travel to the port towns of Southwestern India today and you will be served a variety of fish seasoned with this same style of curry, though sometimes with a pinch more fenugreek and always with a healthy dose of fiery hot peppers.
Rogan Josh Seasoning- Just a little spicy. A very popular dish from Northern India and Pakistan. This version of the red lamb stew comes from the state of Rajasthan, known for its hilly deserts and fierce, yet chivalrous warriors.
Tandoori Seasoning- Clay ovens known as tandoors and the flavorful food they produce have entered the fast food market all over India and many major cities of the West as well. The most popular tandoori food is chicken. Skinless half chickens are marinated overnight, skewered and baked. Tandoors are extremely hot, which seals in the juices of the chicken. Like a microwave, tandoors cook so quickly that browning doesn't take place. The red color of Tandoori chicken in Indian restaurants comes from food coloring. It is possible to reproduce the rich flavor, if not the cooking technique, of this dish at home. Mix 1-2 TB. with 1 Cup plain yogurt and the juice of ½ lemon. Pour over a cut-up skinless chicken, cover and place in the refrigerator for at least 4 hours, preferably overnight. Remove from marinade, bake 45 minutes uncovered at 325°, turning and basting every 15 minutes.

**To enter, post a comment below before midnight on Thursday the 17th and tell me your favorite Indian dish/food to eat. :) If you've not had Indian food, tell me why. Preconceived ideas of flavors? Heat/Spice? Fear? :) Ha! I'll pick a winner on Friday. U.S. entries only.

Gratitude and Purple Potatoes

2011-02-11T19:47:00.003-06:00

I made one of Aarti's recipes tonight, and then read her most recent blog post. She was talking about gratitude, and mentioned a book called One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp that I've been told more than once to read. So, as soon as I post this, I'm taking all the hints- and I'm going to buy it online with a gift card that I've been itching to spend. So, in reference to Aarti's post, I'm going to post what I'm grateful for:

A truly faithful God- who never leaves me or forsakes me
Friends who speak truth to me (and listen to me and love me, even when I'm self-centered)
A wonderful husband who is VERY patient and who reads great marriage books
A warm house during a long, cold series of snowstorms
Family
Food on the table, at every meal time
Perspective, Purpose, and Hope
All that I'm learning through the wait for our little girl (thank you Giggles and Curls for your blog post)
A great church
That my boys aren't allergic to pet fish.
Amazing medical advancements and research that allow both of my boys to live full lives, despite health issues.
God's word that is powerful and unforgettable
Laughter and funny things :)

I'm just full of links today... I guess I should add that I'm grateful for the internet, where I can have such amazing and instant access to some of the things for which I'm grateful! :)

Purple Mashed Potatoes! Woot, woot!

I thought I'd also post a picture from dinner last week. We found purple potatoes on sale at the grocery store and decided to make purple mashed potatoes! Awesome. So, included in this picture are several of my gratefuls (family, food, and funny things!).

A Give Away Giveaway!

2011-02-08T17:25:00.001-06:00

A Give Away Giveaway! ;)

Hi Bloggie friends,

A sweet friend of mine is doing a giveaway on her blog and I want you all to have the chance to enter... Check out her blog for fab ideas/inspiration, and to win some yummy handmade soap and handmade goodies!

http://craftabetterworld.blogspot.com/2011/02/pleasant-surprises-giveaway.html

She has a great post on Crafivism that you should read too.

I'm preparing for round 2 of Blizzard 2011. :) We got between 15-20 inches of snow total last week, and we're expecting another 5-10 tonight/tomorrow! The kids have already had 6 snow days in a row! Hopefully I can get a few more projects done, bake some goodies with the kids, and who knows... maybe do a giveaway myself! :)

A little Sew and Tell :)

2011-02-07T09:30:00.000-06:00

With like 20 inches of snow on the ground last week, I broke out the sewing machine and tuned out my kids' cabin fever for a while and did some projects. The weather guy projects another 5-10 inches later this week too! Crazy. It just happened that I have a list of 9 friends who have either recently had babies or will in the next few months. AND it just happens that I've been ogling some beautiful fabrics online, looking for a good excuse to buy them... So I got to shopping for my preggo friends a few weeks back and voila! :) Looks like I might finish all my baby projects this week!

I'll call this sew and tell. :) I already showed them to my only Tulsa area 'sewing friend.' The fabrics are just so much fun though- that I wanted to show you too. Some of them caused me to call upon my faith (read: the fabric kept reacting differently than I expected and I kept messing up and having to re-do portions!), and those ended up having some 'character', shall we say... :) But if you're pregnant and you're my friend, just know it was a labor of love, even if it has a few extra 'interesting touches'. :) Maybe I could spiritualize it and say that the blankets are a lot like us; we have flaws but God still uses us, even in our imperfection. Ha!

One part I actually enjoyed about having so many pregnant friends (and therefore allowed myself to buy several of my current favorite fabrics!), was that I really thought long and hard about who should receive each blanket/pattern/color... So, if you're a recipient, know that I believe you're just crazy enough to like the color combinations I picked for you. :) And, if you're a reader of this blog, you'll have to act surprised when you open your package in the mail! ;)

Would you like to be clothed in Righteousness?

2011-01-26T21:35:00.000-06:00

I re-read the story of the wedding feast in Matthew 22 recently- and wanted to blog a bit about my ponderings... The story is about how the invited guests did not come, so the king opened the celebration up to the people on the street (read through it if you're unfamiliar... and do it in a study Bible that has good extra facts/notes re: each scripture. So enlightening!). One interesting part of that story that I've never focused on, was that he clothed each person in wedding garments so that they'd be appropriately dressed. There was one man though, who refused to put on the garments that he was offered. Whether it be out of low self-esteem/undeservedness, arrogance or some other motive- the point was that the King had tried to clothe him in splendor, and he turned it down! The king saw that he wasn't dressed in the wedding garments and was outraged/upset that his kindness had been refused- and kicked the guy out of the wedding feast!

My prayer for all of you, is that you clothe yourself in the righteousness and splendor that is offered to you by our King! I pray that you would take it on, like a mantle, and put on His righteousness.

The other thing I thought of after I read through that story, was that all of those street people left the wedding dressed in splendor! Everyone on the street who saw them walking around, could tell they had been in the presence of the King, and that the king had highly favored them and dressed them! And, my guess is, those people wore those garments for as long as they could! I pray that you too, would wear what God has dressed you in- and know that others will see and know that you're favored and have been in the presence of the King. He will use it to draw people unto HIMSELF! He'll use His splendor on YOU for HIS glory!

Cracks me up how surprised I can get with the Word! :) Love it. It's definitely life and breath to me. Like a cup of cold water in a dry and weary land.

Sympathetic Playgroup

2011-01-24T15:32:00.000-06:00

I went to a Dillon playgroup here in T-town on Friday. Got to make a few new friends, and got to chat with Heather (Piyashi's mom), who also accepted a referral of a little boy back in May. :) It was definitely nice to sit and talk face to face with others who are in the same holding pattern that I am.

Thankfully, my life is nicely complicated and distracting during the wait. I've got kids to care for, a mess (I mean house) to clean up constantly, a new part time job working at RIM while E's is in preschool (woot, woot!), A's diabetes to manage (there's a whole other blog post on that topic as well... how would you other type1parents do this situation: 71 bg at bedtime, 70% basal rate for 3 hours- then a 58 at 10:30... pump him up, re-check and he's only 78? Go to sleep and pray it's ok? Temp basal? Extra sugar, no temp basal? We ended up give him a little more juice and a 75% basal for 6 hours.... and he wakes up at 288! He's been trending falling 30 pts overnight- but Bleh!). Anyway- I digress...

This playgroup was wonderful to be surrounded by people who 'get it.' The ups and downs of this adoption process yet again stir my heart/emotions. Give it to God. Express tiredness with the wait. Wait. Be ok with the wait. Be angry about the wait. Give it to God. Ask God again to PLEASE bring the kid. Wait again. Watch a number of my friends get pregnant and have babies while I wait. Find out friends are newly pregnant and wonder if they'll have their babies before I do... Watch a few of my friends have 2 babies during my wait... (sigh*).

So, after the playgroup, I decide that I should not only be praying my daughter home- but specifically be praying that Heather can pick up her sweet little boy as well. I do that with most of the families I know who are in the process... but having a face-to-face conversation about how she got the referral in May and then the Indian gov't hit pause for everyone... and 8 months later she's still wondering what in the world is going on, and she still can't travel to go pick him up... I do believe that's worse torture than being 2 years 4 months, 4 weeks and 1 day into the process and not having a referral (but who's counting?).

As usual, putting on my 'patient mama hat' and doing my best to remember others' situations before His throne, trying to clean the house with more intentionality, and not to stress about stupid stuff. :) I'm also considering spending our extra cash on getting the boys into a homeopathic doc about the allergy stuff they're going through. who needs spare $ anyway, right? :) (Any opinions on that? Is it worth it?)

Well, thanks for reading my rabbit trail. Had a bit too much caffeine this morning, apparently. :)

Adoption Tax Credit/Refund information:

2011-01-15T10:38:00.000-06:00

I really enjoyed this post and all of the links provided in it, so I wanted to link up to it here.

So much good adoption tax credit info! Please pass this on to anyone who might be considering adoption, but is overwhelmed with the idea of the expenses involved.

http://dillonadopt.blogspot.com/2011/01/tax-credit-or-refund-which-will-it-be.html

Happy Saturday everyone! Pray for me, I'm headed out to Sam's club! ;)

Tunnel Vision Expanding

2011-01-10T09:51:00.002-06:00

As I started off the new year, I took some time to pray over the year and what God would have me focus on or change. The first thing that came to mind: expand my adoption tunnel vision. I've been so focused on the progress (or LACK of progress) in the adoption process lately. I've spent a disproportionate amount of time thinking about/being impatient about/attempting to figure out this whole adoption thing (as if I can control ANY of it!?). I've felt compelled to broaden my vision, and allow the Lord to remove the tunnel vision that I've had, and to speak purpose and life into the other areas of my life that haven't had enough of my attention.

Steve and I also spent some time discussing a scripture that we adopted for the year- Ezekiel 39. Interesting chapter- and the verses that carry promise for us are these:
25 “Therefore this is what the Sovereign LORD says: I will now restore the fortunes of Jacob and will have compassion on all the people of Israel, and I will be zealous for my holy name. 26 They will forget their shame and all the unfaithfulness they showed toward me when they lived in safety in their land with no one to make them afraid. 27 When I have brought them back from the nations and have gathered them from the countries of their enemies, I will be proved holy through them in the sight of many nations. 28 Then they will know that I am the LORD their God, for though I sent them into exile among the nations, I will gather them to their own land, not leaving any behind. 29 I will no longer hide my face from them, for I will pour out my Spirit on the people of Israel, declares the Sovereign LORD.”

We're excited to pray that God will show His compassion to us, that He'll 'be proved holy through us in the sight of many nations...' and are asking that He will pour out His spirit on the people in our family. I'm believing for growth and change in each member of our family, that we would be better people at the end of 2011- and more like our God. I also love that it says "I will gather them to their own land, not leaving any behind"- and I chose to believe that God is referring to our little girl- and reminding me that she'll not be left behind, but will (eventually!) be joined with our family. :)

Spoiled Brat.

2010-12-08T23:57:00.003-06:00

I have had such a charmed life. I grew up in a family that loved me, protected me, had plenty of money, great vacations, and had very little in the way of hardship or obstacles. The sheen progressively wore off (as it does as we age into adulthood, and walk away from the innocence of childhood), and as it did I would get disappointed, thinking something was wrong/needed to be fixed because it wasn't 'perfect' or 'easy' like it used to be.

I heard a quote from Dr. Phil the other day (yes, I know, I'm about to quote Dr. Phil!) about anger. He said something like, anger comes from the feeling of something being unfair. (I know, I'm attempting to quote him and I don't even know exactly what he said. Sorry...). He also said it's an outward expression of hurt, fear and frustration.

I think, after some examination, I've realized that I have anger at the root of my frustration in life. I've been describing it as rebellion, but I think I should be calling it anger/frustration instead. I feel rebellious in it, because I'm sensing leading in some areas but I don't want to act on them because of this deep down feeling of 'it's not fair'.

So, after doing some prayer and psychologizing about my current state-of-heart, I landed on Romans 12. Where my bible heading reads 'how to behave.' Nice. :) So many verses in that chapter just jumped off the page to me... (I'm going to paraphrase) Do not conform but be transformed. Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought. Love must be sincere. Honor one another above yourselves.

I have spent too much time upset with some things that have not turned out as rosy as I thought they were supposed to. (And reflecting on those passages in Romans 12) Instead of being transformed (in the depths of my mind), I've been conformed into what I grew up thinking that family, happiness, health, and life were 'supposed' to look like. Instead of thinking of myself as a disciple/daughter of God, I've thought of myself as someone who 'deserves' such and such... :( I've realized that love MUST be sincere for it to be love... and I've not honored others above myself, but instead I've whined about the injustice of having to spend my time and energy on things that were not my choice, but were 'given' to me or happened to me/my family.

At the heart of it, the ugly truth is that I've been angry at God because I've expected my life to 'look' and 'feel' a certain way, and instead He's making it look the way He wants it to look (and we live in a fallen world, where disease, death, and stuff happens). The irony is that I've ASKED Him to make it look the way He wants it to look, but I get angry because 'it's not fair' that it has to be different than I expected, or more demanding than I anticipated (ha! it makes me laugh at myself to even type it- but friends, it's the ugly truth!). In my attempts to 'fix' it and make it look more like my life when I was a kid, I'm only frustrating myself and probably making myself more internally focused and self-centered! yucky truth.

So, I'm grateful for some perspective. At my breaking point/or point of true self-realization on this issue earlier this week, I spoke to the Lord from my heart and said "Lord, you must be so disappointed in me." To which I heard in my heart that he replied "No, Sarah, YOU are disappointed in you." And He reminded me that His grace is there for me, whether I walk in it or not. His love for me is there, whether I believe it or not.

Now to continue walking it out. Our God is so persistent. This theme has been reoccurring in my life for a while now... He's going to keep bringing up the subject until I surrender to Him fully in this area of my thinking. Gotta love how many scriptures are out there that take the focus off of us and point it back to Him. That is the cure, you know...

Eagerly watch...

2010-12-01T23:02:00.000-06:00

In the morning, O Lord, You will hear my voice; In the morning I will order my prayer to You and eagerly watch. Psalm 5:3

I read this yesterday morning and it struck a chord with me. In the mornings I've been waking so hungry to see what God will do with my life, my kids, my circumstances; mostly because I feel pinned down in most of those situations, unable to provide radical change by my own doing/by my own hand. I read this verse and was so moved by the image of 'eagerly watching' for what the Lord will do in response to our prayers. What images come to mind when you think of 'eagerly watching?' I think of hunters sitting in stillness and silence waiting on prey. I think of checking the mailbox when you're expecting a letter. I think of that look on my kids' faces when they're watching an enthralling cartoon (imagine the zoned out zombie... you could drop a frying pan in the kitchen and they wouldn't flinch...).

In all of those images in my head, a few words come to mind: perseverance, hunger, determination, and excitement. I started to wonder about how those four words are playing out in my prayer life and in my pursuit of God as I 'eagerly watch.'

Our adoption process is officially 'moving' again, and we're back in line- but after reading a program update today, it looks like the whole program (on the India side) is stalled for an undetermined amount of time. So, I stared at the Christmas tree earlier tonight, wondering if we'd be sitting in the same spot next Christmas, pining over our little girl, OR if we'd be holding her in our arms so she doesn't pull all the ornaments off the tree? I don't know- but I do know that I can eagerly watch for the Lord to move- and I KNOW that He'll move, so why don't I just watch with expectancy and joy!?

When I got out our Christmas stuff this weekend, I pulled out this 'little people' brown skinned girl with a ponytail that came in a stocking that I had bought on sale last year and tucked away. I had envisioned that it would be a play toy this Christmas for my little brown skinned beauty, but instead, I hung it up on her stocking hook and laughed a little at the image of the word PEACE so prominently displayed on the mantle that's been empty of her real stocking for two Christmases already! :)

My cynical/joking side thinks that things are going to start proceeding pretty quickly with the adoption, because we relaxed with our finances this fall, and had some medical/car bills that dented our adoption savings! I reasoned that when our resources are dwindling, that God has a plan and that things are going to go forward with HIS provision instead. I'm not sure that's a healthy response to seeing my savings account dip, but it's fun to think that because it's draining God is on the move bringing our little girl! :) Hope you all had a fabulous Thanksgiving! Happy Christ Mass preparation to you all! ;)

Truthseekers and the work of reconciliation

2010-11-21T12:15:00.002-06:00

Humility and Love in action

Have you heard of Truthseekers International? Probably not- so I'm telling you about them today. :) A family that we worked with while we were living in India working with eMi moved back to India with Truthseekers in New Delhi. They've been there for a number of years and the ministry that they do is so wonderful. The ministry of Truthseekers is primarily to bring the gospel to the Dalit class/caste in India (the untouchables). Every Thanksgiving/end of November, they do a really neat event where Christians from around the world travel to India and do foot washing ceremonies for the untouchables. These Christians become the hands of Christ, touching and serving people who are so often NOT touched or served. It is powerful.

They have a blog:
http://truthseekersfootwashing.blogspot.com/

This is where people who are currently on this trip (right now!) are blogging for their friends and family about the experience of touching and washing the feet of the Dalit caste. They have posted pictures, personal journal entries, etc... It's really exciting- not only to see the way they're being changed by ministering, but also seeing the people who have been labeled as 'untouchable' receive touch/love/prayer!

Please pray with them/me for the footwashing events. Pray for God to open the hearts of all involved. Pray for His spirit to flow fully, and His love to be evident in the hearts of people who have not received His love before. If you scroll down on their blog page, it has their travel schedule. India is roughly 12 hours ahead of us in the US- so you can pray for the events as they're happening. :) They did a footwashing event today (Sunday) and they have another in just a few hours (Monday).

I love the heart of Truthseekers- and wanted to tell you about it too.

Finished the table project!

2010-11-13T13:17:00.000-06:00

Finally finished my table project! I'm really enjoying the look! Still working on my friend's table though. For some reason the finish on hers started to bubble up with the LAST coat of lacquer! Bleh. So, hoping for a few more warm days in the garage to work on it sans children (and hubby is really hoping for me to finish so he can park his car in the garage before the weather gets yucky). :)

I'm really glad that it is finished just in time for the holidays! It made me so happy to imagine our Christmas dinner this year on a table that is big enough to fit us all (I have two more chairs that match, and the bench can seat 3)!

We have lift off!!!! :)

2010-11-10T20:08:00.000-06:00

This is the feeling I have right now:

We finally have lift-off! :) We met with our social worker today and completed our home study update meeting! :) She'll now type it up and do whatever they do to make it official- and we're back in line again! I think we'll be back at #2, but we'll wait to know for sure once the update is official. :)

Ahh... Thank you Jesus! Makes me want to run and wave my hat in the air, just like those guys. :)

Leslie is with Jesus.

2010-10-07T16:13:00.000-05:00

Thank you to my friends who prayed for Leslie Evans. Leslie went to be with the Lord this morning. Please continue to pray for her husband Mark and family. Mark lost his first wife Melinda to cancer only a few years ago, and his three children have now lost their second mom.

I'm a wreck about this right now. I'm praying that I can make it to her funeral, whenever it is...

Doing the paperwork shuffle :)

2010-10-06T15:48:00.001-05:00

As we prepared to be eligible to be back in line again for the adoption process with the new job firmly under our belt, I grossly underestimated the amount of paperwork that was going to need to be done! AGH!

So, we have the two documents that I knew we would need (new health insurance, new job letter), now I'm working on updated child abuse clearance forms, background checks, bank statements, etc... :) Ahh the joys of paperwork. Because it's been more than a year since those documents were turned in, we have to do them again... For the 3rd time!!! (I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing joy. I'm choosing joy.)

tick, tock, tick, tock... I'm a little glad that October is really slow for India adoptions, as it's currently allowing us time to get all of the paperwork back and get our homestudy update done before things get moving again... :)

I stole this picture from somewhere else online- just to remind me WHY i'm doing all this paperwork. :)

Still praying for Leslie

2010-10-04T19:39:00.002-05:00

Hi blog friends. I'm still praying for Leslie. A friend of hers created a blog that is being updated with any updates on her health.

http://www.lesliejoyevans.blogspot.com/

Health, life, peace and God's miraculous Power be yours, Leslie! In Jesus' name!

Will you pray?

2010-09-29T16:24:00.001-05:00

I received information that has me sick to my stomach, as well as soul-sick for this family friend...

Here's the history: my friends Mark and Melinda were high school sweethearts. After being married for about 10 years, Melinda, at age 31, died of breast cancer- leaving behind 3 small kids and a husband who loved her dearly. Mark went through that difficult ordeal and walked through it with the Lord at his side. A few years later, Mark met Leslie. I don't know their love story- but I do know they fell in love and got married, blending their families together. They had their one year anniversary earlier this year. I got an email this weekend that made me sick with longing for the Lord to intervene and heal... Please read the paragraph below (borrowed from a Facebook prayer page for her) and pray with us for Leslie's healing. She's currently in a coma.

"Leslie was pregnant with twins. Her water broke when she was at 19 weeks. They were able to stabilize her and the babies up to 21 weeks. Then baby a a girl was born stillborn this last Sunday. They tried to keep her from having baby b and she unfortunately did and that baby was unable to make it due to lack of lung function. Leslie, had an amniotic embolism which supposedly hasn't been heard of since the 40's and only one recorded time since this. But, she had a heart attack, and was with out oxygen for 17 minutes, her kidneys have failed and she's been put on dialysis, she's been placed on a ventilator and started at 100% oxygen but has started breathing at 60% on her own, which is good. She was seizing but that has decreased, and her blood pressure was low, however, that has gone up to normal and meds have been reduced which is good. There is risk of brain damage, heart problems and other organ damage. EEG shows improvements and stabilization, Leslie hasn't responded to touch or sound but her pupil's dilate with light- which is good. We are praying for complete healing and recovery. We need a miracle!!!"

Our God is mighty to save! Pray with me!

One Less...

2010-09-29T10:59:00.006-05:00

Can you hear the crickets chirping on my blog? :) It's been pretty quiet around here lately. Not many blog posts. I've been filling my time with lots of good worship, painting/decorating my kitchen, and shopping on craigslist... :) So, my post today is about two "one less" things. :) I have one less boring/beige room in my house. And I posted a video from Matthew West, "One Less" about orphans...

Here's a before picture of the kitchen table area. Bland and unexciting. Nothing to please the eye, or make me want to linger there. :)

I had an image in mind of what I wanted in the space, but wasn't inspired, and didn't have money saved to do anything. But after a friend mentioned that she couldn't seat her family of 5 around her dinky kitchen table, the wheels started turning in my head to give her my table and shop for a table better suited for my space. :) So, I finally dedicated some money to the project by selling something else on craigslist, and started watching for deals.

It took me about 8 different shades of blue/green samples to match and find just the perfect shade... but after I painted, the whole project took shape. :)

Here is the 'almost finished' shot with too much light from the morning sun, but ahh, what a great place for lingering quiet times, coffee, and blogging!. :) I'll try to remember to post an actual 'finished' shot after I paint the set, with better light, and all of the roman shades pulled to exactly the same height (that bothers me... but not enough to put my coffee down and take a new pic). :)

I found this table, 6 chairs, and buffet table on craigslist ($95 for ALL of it), and splurged and bought a bench at wal*lly world, that you can't see because it's behind the table (my kids were sad at the thought of giving away their old beloved bench where they can pester one another/hug on each other while eating). My plan is to paint the table and chairs black, and do something different to the buffet. Maybe something crazy like a bold green or maybe cream underneath silverleaf... what do you think?

I sewed the curtain panels out of fabric that I got at 40% off at Hobby Lobby with a coupon and my birthday money, and I got a steal of a deal at Be* Ba* and Be*... with coupons. Did anyone else know that you can use expired coupons there? A friend told me about that, so I headed over with 4 coupons for the 4 roman shades that I wanted and sheepishly checked with a sales associate. Apparently, if you have the mailed coupons, they'll take them, no matter what the date! So, I saved $5 on EACH of the shades, that were already marked down 50%!

It's funny, but I'm excited to sit in my kitchen now. It's calming, pretty, soothing, AND it didn't break the bank. Now, I just need to get to painting the table set. :) And, I'm loving that with the shades down, I can still see out and watch my boys on the swingset, without sun in my eyes.

My garage, ready to get stinky with paint. And, Brandi's table, that I'll have to re-tackle after it gets warm again... I learned a thing or two from my failed attempts at spraying her table with lacquer...

And, the nearly finished product (with photography/lighting skills that leave something to be desired). :)
Now I just need to figure out what color to do the little buffet table that I use for my laptop.

On the adoption front: We have updated employment letters sent off to the secretary of state for apostille (again!)! My heart is HUNGRY for my daughter! Not in the 'fi-fi-fo-fum' way :) but in the aching, longing, need-to-hold-you-and-love-on-you-in-person-been-waiting-on-you-all-my-life kind of way. I'm wearing my 'Man Up. Protect and love the fatherless.' T-shirt from the Alsworth's fundraiser as I type this. Game on, people. :)

I saw this video and knew I needed to post it and share it here with you.

One Less by Matthew West (The Story Behind The Song) from emicmg on Vimeo

I think I might submit my project in this blog party:

2 years and counting...

2010-08-30T19:20:00.000-05:00

August 26th was our two year anniversary of starting the adoption process! I've been thinking about it all week. Asking God for a scripture and some word from Him on this whole situation that has been SO interesting... :)

The scripture I felt led to was:

Philippians 1:3-6 (The Message)

A Love That Will Grow

Every time you cross my mind, I break out in exclamations of thanks to God. Each exclamation is a trigger to prayer. I find myself praying for you with a glad heart. I am so pleased that you have continued on in this with us, believing and proclaiming God's Message, from the day you heard it right up to the present. There has never been the slightest doubt in my mind that the God who started this great work in you would keep at it and bring it to a flourishing finish on the very day Christ Jesus appears.

God is accomplishing a LOT through this adoption process, and thankfully, He will complete it... Lots of refining in me. Lots of heart work in us as a family. Lots of ups, and lots of downs. If you had told me two years ago, that I'd still be sitting here, without my daughter, I KNOW I would have cried. Hard. And, I will admit I've been a little emotionally off kilter this week... a bit of grief that I'm still waiting, and still haven't met her yet... but just like that scripture says- every time she crosses my mind- I break out in exclamations to God. :) We're still waiting on you, peanut!!!

Thankfully, part of what God is working in me through the job loss situation, is to let go. I had thought that I had 'let go' of everything regarding this process... except for the finances. I was a financial tightwad and it was not healthy for the family... When we got our first paycheck from this new job (that did NOT involve a $700/month commute like the job over the summer! Hallelujah!), I let out a big sigh of relief. God provided. And God provided sooo well. Hubby came home this week and said that he is so fulfilled and challenged in this job. So, in celebration of us staying in our house, and not being a tightwad- I made some curtains, and we're finally going to paint! :)

Another special thing about the 2 year anniversary this week is that we went to our annual India Fest here in Tulsa. It was wonderful, the food was great, and the boys loved it. They took a rickshaw ride, I got henna on my hand, and I loved that the theme was Indian weddings! Such beautiful colors and textures!

Happy 2 years of waiting, everyone! Thanks for walking us through this process, bloggy friends. Here's a pic of my henna'd hand up against my new curtains!

Aarti's Paarti- Awesome Indian Food

2010-08-09T16:14:00.000-05:00

I've been watching the Food Network Star for the summer and ever since the first show, had my favorite contestant. Her name is Aarti. She has a really interesting background and a delightful personality on camera- but I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE that she's out there putting Indian recipes in the forefront- and making traditional foods with an Indian twist. I already cook Indian probably once every week or two, but I'm so excited after reading some of her recipes and seeing her videos on vimeo. The finale of FNS is this Sunday and I'm rooting for her to win. I'm already excited about recording and saving her shows on my DVR. :) She's also a believer- and shares her faith so beautifully on her blog. Such an encouragement. I pray that she's able to be a light to those in the food/tv industry.

Here are some links to some recipes that I can't wait to try:

Baked Samosas: These excite me to try because samosas are amazingly wonderful crazy-cheap treats that I used to eat on train trips across India, and from a local tea stall around the corner from where we lived. They are simple, hot, flaky, and are almost like comfort food, Indian style. It's been something I've actually missed about India because they have always seemed complicated- and I don't want to fry up a large vat of oil to make them... AND- in India, they're SO cheap (think pennies, maybe nickels)- but here it's like $3.00 for one or two at my favorite Indian restaurant.

Tandoori Chicken: I have tried similiar recipes- but based upon everyone's reaction to her cooking on the show, I'm going to try hers. :)

Ok- outta time. My little has been sleeping for 3 hours... If I don't get off the computer and wake him, it's going to be a very, very long night for all of us... :)

Fun deals and such

2010-08-02T16:06:00.007-05:00

OK- no big cerebral or spiritual lessons for me to type about today, just some fun deals to share with my bloggie friends...

I did a big shopping trip online at CBD (Christian Book Distributors) and used a free shipping code: 313114TS (Free Shipping w/purchase of $35 or more. exp. 9/10/2010). I landed there because I was looking for decently priced kids worship dvds but ended up spending most of the $35 on other random fun clearance items... And, know that they have more than Christian Books on this site...

I wanted to list a few of the clearance items here, because they're so cute, fun and CHEAP! You should check them out: :)

#1 Favorite: Emeril's there's a chef in my world (Worldwide recipes for kids!)- $2.99. It has neat info for kids and lists different recipes from a lot of different countries... This sucker is also 210 pages long! So much in it!

#2 Favorite (for you adoptive moms of Indian kiddos): Cherry Tree by Ruskin Bond- $1.99 a cute short paperback story about a 6 year old Indian girl and her grandpa in the hills of India who plant a cherry seed. Ruskin Bond is an author who has lived in India for years and years and written many books on/about India. He lives in Mussoorie (the city in the foothills of the Himalayas where we lived). Kinda wish I'd taken the initiative and tried to meet him...

#3 Favorite: One Special Me: A book celebrating how God makes us special- $3.99 This is a really cute board book with flaps that lift and curly hair to touch, and things to spin, that tells a great story (with scripture at the end) about how we're all different, praises uniqueness and how it makes us special. Features kids of different skin tones, heights, kids with glasses, different colored eyes, etc.

#4 Favorite: The Spirit of Adoption: At home in God's family. $2.99 Haven't read it yet- but it looks to be an interesting read on the scriptural basis for adoption, and God as the adopter. :)

#5 Favorite: Let's go on a mommy date, by Karen Kingsbury. $2.99 This is a cute book about how mommy loves to be with and play with her kids. :)

#6 Favorite: Big Racing Car: GIANT board book $.50 (yes, .50!) This is a huge, colorful, board book and would be fun for a little dude to look at. :)

Anyway- they have so many fun things on clearance that it's easy to spend $35 so you don't have to pay shipping... I also bought a few worship DVDs for me, and one for the kids.

We also went on our 11th Anniversary date this weekend. We were able to go on a fancy dinner date! And, we're also celebrating God opening up the job for us by having a big BBQ at our house on Sunday. So, if you're within driving distance of Tulsa and want to come, let me know! :)

Blog under construction! *But hey, so is my life... :)

2010-07-24T09:58:00.001-05:00

OK- so the blog looks half-done right now... Sorry, I've not taken big enough chunks of time in updating it to complete it yet...

Two sweet things that happened with my oldest child, made my heart sing... In bed on Thursday night, he calls out to me as I'm leaving the room and tells me his heart feels funny (how he refers to being stirred by the Lord sometimes). I tell him to pause, listen to what God is saying, and then we'll pray together about it... He pauses, then says... "I think God is telling me that Daddy got the job." I say 'Wow, honey, that's fabulous. Let's pray and agree that God would do that." We pray, and he falls asleep... Then Friday, we're leaving the house in a complete scramble because of a last minute house showing (and I do mean scramble... I filled the passenger seat of the car with a giant pile of clean laundry, because I didn't have anywhere else to put it!), and we round the corner and park the car while I throw on some make up (again, read 'totally unprepared' to leave the house for a showing... I was in my swimsuit in the backyard with dirty dishes in the sink and laundry going when the phone rang...). My 4 year old looks out the window and sees a rainbow... but it's not a rainbow shape- it's a rainbow cloud! A whole small cloud, lit up like a prism/rainbow! It was sooo beautiful and surprising! My oldest says again- 'Rainbows are signs of God's promises... I think God is telling me for sure that Daddy got this job!" Wow... such faith. :)

A bloggy friend of mine posted this verse today and it rang true with me:
Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

"The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still."

That's pretty much what we've been hearing from the Lord regarding waiting on the job situation for my husband, all summer long...and I'm pleased to announce that last night at 5:05 PM, we received the job offer we were waiting on and we get to stay in our house/school/church/etc! It's amazing, a true blessing, totally a God thing, and was done at 11:59 (figuratively)... We give all the credit to the Lord- and we're going to send some Omaha Steaks to the old college buddy who gave us this lead! AMAZING GOD!

We're praying that my hubby thrives in the new work environment, adapts easily, is a witness in the workplace, and helps this company put out quality engineering for many years. :)

Thanks all for your prayers! God is sooo faithful.

Do the limbo rock! (sing it with all the La, la, la, la, la, la's)

2010-07-19T16:18:00.001-05:00

Still in Limbo. :) Haven't blogged in a while for a number of reasons- but most recently because we've just been crazy busy.

Finished up a week of leading the worship portion of VBS on Friday night. It was awesome. and insane. :) In a good way. It was so involved, yet so completely wonderful and anointed. God met us and we were changed!

And- an update for everyone in blogland, Steve interviewed for a job HERE in town last week! It looks promising, but we're asking God to seal the deal so that we can stay! So, as I wait for more info on the location of my future dwelling, I reflect on the goodness of God, and in thankfulness that I'll always remain in HIS dwelling, no matter where I actually lay my head.

This touched me today: Psalm 90:12-17
12 Teach us to number our days aright,
that we may gain a heart of wisdom.
13 Relent, O LORD! How long will it be?
Have compassion on your servants.
14 Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love,
that we may sing for joy and be glad all our days.
15 Make us glad for as many days as you have afflicted us,
for as many years as we have seen trouble.
16 May your deeds be shown to your servants,
your splendor to their children.
17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us;
establish the work of our hands for us—
yes, establish the work of our hands.

And these verses have been speaking to me during all this interim time of 'waiting' and wondering where I'll dwell: Psalm 27:4-8 NLT
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord—

the thing I seek most—
is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life,
delighting in the Lord’s perfections
and meditating in his Temple.
5 For he will conceal me there when troubles come;
he will hide me in his sanctuary.
He will place me out of reach on a high rock.
6 Then I will hold my head high
above my enemies who surround me.
At his sanctuary I will offer sacrifices with shouts of joy,
singing and praising the Lord with music.
7 Hear me as I pray, O Lord.
Be merciful and answer me!
8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.”
And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

And, I love, love, love, that the sermon on Sunday was AGAIN, tailor made for ME. Such good stuff, straight to my heart. In a few days, the sermon from Sunday the 18th will be posted here. Listen or watch. Good stuff.

Biggest Loser Skunky Meatloaf

2010-06-28T17:24:00.001-05:00

I was thinking today about the projects I had in mind for the summer. One of which was sewing some fun things- some to possibly sell to fundraise for the adoption. Well, it's nearly July and the table I got out to put the sewing stuff on is now covered in piles of unaddressed junk! Bleh! So, I've not taken on any sewing projects- and I've avoided most other productive things as well! I did start a tiling project in the bathroom that should be done in another day or two though... All comes down to motivation, I guess. I'm pretty much motivated to experience summer with the boys. And that's about it.

Well, my 3 year old just announced that he smells a skunk. I'll try not to take it personally, knowing that it means the attempt at a new meatloaf recipe is almost finished cooking. :( Let's just say that all of the meals I've tried cooking from this Biggest Loser Cookbook have not gone over very well with the fam. I guess that does generally lead to weight loss though, huh. If no one actually eats the dinner... :)

Gotta revert to humor when life is stuck in limbo. Apparently that is one of my coping mechanisms. :) Happy Monday bloggy friends!

Waiting in line

2010-06-21T10:12:00.001-05:00

So, I finally published (4 days later) the blog I started on Thursday.

I'm still reflecting on all that God is attempting to teach me and areas where He's trying to stretch and grow me right now.

I'm such a visual person and a person who learns through analogy. That is often how God speaks to me- through pictures or stories...

So, here's today's image. Waiting in line at a waterpark. I'm the 9th person back. I see the waterpark through the gates, I see the fun all the others who got in before me are having. I watch and wait. I get tired of standing. I see signs all around that not only declare the fun I'll be having once I'm through the gates, but I also see all kinds of warning signs. Waterparks can be fun if you know how to swim and you know how to do it safely (with knowledge). Waterparks can be dangerous if you don't know how to swim and you don't heed the warnings.

Finally, I'm #2 in line and my excitement is definitely building. Then an employee pulls me out of line! WHAT? I've been standing here for soo long, and now I'm out of line. He says I'm not ready, and that while I'm out of line, I should take time to make sure I'm ready/healthy/prepared. My first response is immature. Something along the lines of 'I don't care if I'm ready, healthy or prepared, it's almost my turn!' But then, I think, OK, surely there's some truth to what he's saying...

So, this is where I am in adoption land. :) We've been chugging along for nearly 2 years in this adoption process, and now we're out of line, just after we got up to #2! I was pretty miffed at first- and have dealt with most of that. :) Now I'm trying to make sure that (while God obviously knows what He's doing, and is preparing our little girls' timing to be matched with our timing) I'm ready when the time comes for us to get back in line. This is most of what my maturity/immaturity post led me to think about, btw. So, instead of getting caught up in how unfair it feels (immaturity), I need to be thinking how I can best use my time out of line to prepare me to be the best/healthiest/most prepared mom I can be to our little princess (and my two princes). Is my parenting skillset where it needs to be? Is my marriage as healthy/strong as it needs to be? Is my education on bonding/attachment/adoption preparation as strong as it needs to be?

It's ironic- but this season of unemployment that has been followed by employment but uncertainty regarding where we'll live/if we'll move, has actually led to more rest than I've had lately. I'm so glad that God does strange stuff in our lives. It's the unexpected stuff that makes us look up and go, 'huh?' But it made me look up, right? :)

Are there situations in your life right now where you may not have an actual number in line- but that you've been waiting on God to get you to that place, or bring about that promised thing, and you've been plucked out? I urge you not to think so much about what you're being pulled FROM- but instead about what you're being pulled TO. Go to the arms of the Savior- and find health, strength, & wisdom. Be equipped, not discouraged. If you need a good book on the subject, I highly recommend In the Meantime: The Practice of Proactive Waiting- by Rob Brendle.

Wisdom and Knowledge; Maturity and Immaturity

2010-06-21T09:45:00.000-05:00

I heard a quote from a friend recently that made me laugh. 'Knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are a fruit. Wisdom is knowing not to include it in a fruit salad.'
-----------------------------------------
I took the kids to the zoo on Thursday and had a great time- but I also had a few moments of reflection afterward, in my exhaustion. :)

In one particular exhibit, there was a fantastic animal behind the glass, but my 3 year old only saw the little buttons all over the room that he could push to make something illuminate or speak... No matter how many times I kept trying to show him the amazing, rare animal that only exists in this country in zoos... he didn't care. His focus was entirely on the buttons.

Have you ever pondered how two people can be in the same place and see something completely different from one another? I'm not talking about those brain puzzle things where you have to cross your eyes to see them... those kind of annoy me. What I was thinking about regarding this zoo experience is how maturity can dictate what we see in a situation.

In my 'mature' eyes, I knew the rarity of what I was seeing when I looked at the amazing animal through the glass. My 3 year old on the other hand- only saw the glowing red buttons that demanded to be pushed (nevermind that he didn't care what the result of pushing the buttons was...).

As I thought about this while driving home, I realized that there are definitely pros and cons to maturity. At first I only thought about how much he missed because he wasn't looking at the right thing, and didn't know the importance/meaning of what was there. But then I realized that him looking at things through childlike eyes brought him JOY, not disappointment. The only disappointment that occurred was mine; me trying to push my way of thinking upon him (trying to burden him with the responsibility that comes with knowledge?).

Anyway- the point of all my rambling was more about MY heart than anything else. There are examples in scripture of how we should seek wisdom, but there are also examples where the faith of a child is praised too. I felt challenged to see if there are areas of my life where I need to approach things with more of a childlike heart. Are there areas where I'm not stepping up in the wisdom that I know I have? Am I choosing the immature route because to choose wisdom requires something of me that I'm not willing to give? I'm not saying to abandon reason or to choose immaturity over maturity. I AM saying that I can be over critical and call it 'wisdom'... and I can be foolish and call it 'childlike'. Ugh. Examination of my heart is messy.

So, I pray. Father God, teach me Your ways. Help me to walk daily in Your truth, holding fast to the wisdom and knowledge that comes from you. Also, help me to release my fear and control over things that I don't understand, so that I can have the faith of a child.

Sharing a fun link today

2010-05-26T10:16:00.002-05:00

Still processing and trusting that God is going to lead us over the next few months. Thankfully, I'm doing pretty well at staying in the place of trust, at least for the time being. :) I realize that God has a specific child in mind for our family, and a specific job in mind for my husband- and that my faith muscles are getting stretched and strengthened as I wait and trust for both to be revealed... in season. :)

I'm sharing a fun link today. I was looking for the name of a berry picking farm to go with the kids this week, when I found this fun website:

http://www.pickyourown.org/

They have a listing of states, and then farm listings by county. Some are a bit outdated- but what a neat resource! They list the name of the farm and the different types of produce that they offer (pumpkins, berries, etc. and listings of farmer's markets and such!).

Another one is a fun Oklahoma State Agritourism site that has similar mapped listings:

http://agritourism.travelok.com/?id=134

How fun. Get outside, people (especially before it gets blazing hot!)!

While I wait...

2010-05-17T21:12:00.002-05:00

Well, I'm in limbo still. Waiting.

The good news is that in the midst of all of our upheaval, we're seeing God's blessing and provision in amazing ways. We were given a gigantic swing set by the neighbors; we received a tax credit that we didn't know for sure that we qualified for; we received another savings that will save us $800/month while we wait for group health insurance to kick in; we have friends (missionaries to Burkina Faso) staying with us who are blessing us with prayers, encouragement and quality time. All in all, it has been really encouraging.

On a funny note, I picked up my 6 year old from school and he promptly informed me that he broke up with Addie (his friend girl... :)). When I asked why, he said she lied. :( Something about a rolleypoley (never had to spell that before?). Ahh, young love. I said, 'you'll make up,' to which he replied, "yeah, maybe tomorrow."

So sweet.

Well, for now Steve is working in Edmond and driving 100 miles each way. We're thinking and praying about solutions in the short term while we figure out what the long term decisions will be. We did figure out that it costs us $32/day for gas and tolls. Bleh! Not to mention the 3 hours on the road every day. We're still on the adoption waiting list- but basically ineligible to receive a referral until we have something solid in place regarding job/living situation... and we don't have firm answers for those questions as of yet.

You win some, you lose some.

2010-04-27T09:21:00.000-05:00

In this case, we lost one. A job that is.

Life has taken an interesting twist...

Psalm 32: 6-8
"Therefore let everyone who is godly pray to you
while you may be found;
surely when the mighty waters rise,
they will not reach him.

You are my hiding place;
you will protect me from trouble
and surround me with songs of deliverance.
Selah

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you and watch over you."

And, just like my blog title, I'm trusting that God will lead us (as blind as we feel right now) along these unfamiliar paths...

What I've been grieving lately is what this means for the adoption. I guess we're on hold. (?) I don't know if this means we have to re-do our dossier with new employment info, new finance info, new health insurance coverage (or lack thereof- as we currently stand- waiting for the COBRA paperwork to arrive)...

I'm grateful that the study plan that I'm currently going through is taking me through all these scriptures (like the ones I posted a few days ago) about the Lord walking with us through darkness, and hiding in the shadow of His wings. I'd love your prayers for a great job to open up for my hubby. I'd love prayers that that we would remain in a place of trust, that we would be wise with our thoughts, words, actions and spending as we wait.

A little caveat to honor my husband... I'm so blessed to have a humble man at my side. He accepted a part time job delivering pizzas (thanks to Dave Ramsey's suggestions on his radio show. Go Dave!) in this interim period. It was enough last weekend to buy our groceries and gas for the week... and we got a free pizza out of the deal- which means the boys now like daddy's new job better than his old one! :)

2010-04-24T22:49:00.000-05:00

Hit pause on my blog music player thing- then play this. :) Good stuff by JJ Heller.

Getting yanked to safety by the Shepherd...

2010-04-22T22:20:00.000-05:00

Through my reflection the past few days, I'm looking at familiar scriptures with new eyes. Looking at some thinking to myself, "This is true, Sarah. Read it again, and this time, read it like it's true."

Like this verse:
Psalm 23:4 (New International Version)
Even though I walk
through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.

Upon examination- this scripture is saying that God's big shepherd's crook was comforting. I appreciate that while walking through dark days/experiences, God is very clearly leading and guiding (that' what shepherd's staffs do, right?). I'm guessing what it feels like though, in the darkness, is just someone yanking on you. What we can't see is that He's yanking you away from danger.

Another phrase I'm stuck on: All the verses that reference hiding in the shadow of His wings?

Psalm 57:1
Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,
for in you my soul takes refuge.
I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings
until the disaster has passed.

Since I have never actually seen something hide under a wing, my mind reverts to the image of being a child, hiding in a closet with my parents during a tornado (no, not the same, but stay with me here). Although curious to see the tornado, there was no way I was going to leave that safe spot, and leave my parents to get a look.

Are any of you like me? In some twisted way even though I know that I'll probably get hurt, I want a front row seat during the stormy/difficult/dark times. I think that by watching the storm pass, I'll see clearly what God is doing, and how He's doing it, so that I can see exactly how He's going to lead me out. Imagine the amount of debris that would wound/hurt me if I insist upon seeing all the carnage that the storm causes... When what I'm supposed to be doing during the storms that rage in my life is tucking up next to/under Him, and listening to His heartbeat while the storm passes. He shields me from the disaster and I walk away unscathed.

If you're up for it: I have an odd challenge for you bloggie friends out there. If you could give a scripture or testimony of God's faithfulness in times of storms/darkness/unknowns/difficulty, what would it be? Share as a comment below- and read others' comments too.

Bunk Beds and Wedded Bliss...

2010-04-19T14:13:00.000-05:00

Well, we had a whirlwind weekend. Check out my handsome family! And yes, my 3 year old is accurately depicted in this photo... Just as cheeky as you see here:My mom got married on Saturday. :) I am so excited for Mom and Charlie. My dad died 6 years ago, and Charlie's wife passed away a few years before that. They met about 3 years ago through mutual friends and have been spending practically every minute together since then... :) It brings me such joy to see my mom happy and in love, especially knowing the grief that she endured for the months and years following my dad's sudden death. They seem so well suited for each other and I love that they both love to travel, because my mom really grieved the loss of the idea that she would travel all over the world in retirement... Now she gets to revive that dream again. This is the only pic I got of them... not great, but it at least shows my mom's smiling face... Sorry, Charlie for the bad picture on the internet! :) I was amazed too, that my brother and his wife and kids showed up looking so well-rested and alert! :) Their little baby girl was born about 3 weeks ago, and they trekked the 12+ hours in the car to be there for mom's wedding. Kudos to you, Sam and Kate! I got to meet my beautiful new, red haired neice!

Our other family fun happened yesterday, on a different note, but still fun. :) The boys got their bunk beds!!!! (Although, as I type this, they're both too hyped to quiet down and my 3 year old asked to go back to his old bed for his nap... I guess we'll have to ease into the excitement.) :)And, assuming I can get my 3 year old to sucessfully calm down and sleep in the new bed, we'll have a bedroom completely freed up for our little Indian Princess. :)

Week of splurges...

2010-04-15T19:00:00.000-05:00

So, thanks to the unexpected escrow refund check, we splurged a little- and Steve felt that after my post about no new shoes- that it was time... :) So I have new shoes. :) Exciting times around here! I feel like a little kid about it. We also spotted some sweet bunk beds on craigslist and are hopefully headed to get them on Sunday. Yee haw. :) The boys will be ecstatic- and technically that will free up an extra room for a special little someone from India!! Now, we just wait for some forward movement on the adoption... :) Come on temporary licensing paperwork!!! We're ready for some action! :)

Sarah is singing the #5 song...

2010-04-09T16:38:00.000-05:00

Just got an email that another family ahead of us is on hold, and therefore we are bumped up to #5. I thought I would feel a lot happier about movement, but it's hard when its at the expense of another family having to hit Pause while something in life changes for them (I'm guessing). Kind of bittersweet.

So, agree with me in prayer for this family that had to go on hold. Be with them Lord, as I'm sure their expectations are much like mine, and their frustration at the length of the process is similar to mine as well. Hold them, strengthen them and encourage them in the wait.

How appropriate that Steve called earlier today and said he's taking us on a family date to the local fast food Indian place for dinner! Yeah for splurges! *Another strange God provision type of thing happened today as well. Apparently the mortgage company had been collecting too much for our taxes/insurance/etc. to put in our escrow acct.- and so they sent us a $600 check, and lowered our mortgage payment starting in June! Technically, it's just getting my own money back- but I'll take it!

The gospel according to a soccer mom.

2010-04-04T12:24:00.001-05:00

I've been 'chewing' on something since yesterday.

Here's the image: I'm sitting on the sidelines watching my 6 year old play soccer. My 3 year old is having a hard time sitting still through 2 soccer games, but all the while is super encouraging. He's yelling encouragement to nearly every player on the field by name, and clapping. :) All the while, I know that his chief desire is not to be on the sideline; he wants to be IN the game. But amazingly, he's content to be on the sideline with mommy and daddy, and is a blessing/encouragement to those that are playing.

Hopefully I won't lose you as I make a spiritual analogy here that actually brought tears to my eyes on the sidelines (I know you're thinking, GOSH Sarah, you are such a crier! I know, I know...) I've felt in some seasons of my life, like I'm on the sideline- and that the REAL ministry is out happening somewhere else, while I'm at home, raising my kids, doing things that go 'unseen.'

I thought of the passage in Acts chapter 6 that talks about how in the days of the early church, they had been so consumed with spreading the message that they realized they had been neglecting the care of the poor. So they set out to select some men to be dedicated to service, so that the others could be dedicated to preaching/teaching. But you'll notice they didn't say "those most spiritual/gifted among us should go preach the word and the rest of you stay and wait tables"... What they actually did was choose 7 who were known to be full of the Spirit and wisdom... then they presented these men to the apostles, who prayed and laid their hands on them (commissioned them for service).

I love looking at this story, and realizing how intentional it was, that specific men would be dedicated and commissioned for service, and others would be sent out for the public ministry. It was not those who hadn't yet 'arrived' or that weren't as 'good' at the ministry... it was men (as the Message translation puts it) 'whom everyone trusts, men full of the Holy Spirit and good sense.' I love that they were actually commissioned (which usually means 'sent out') to STAY and wait tables.

Anyway- back to the soccer game. My exhausted 6 year old kept looking back at us when he was really tired. He would see us hooting and hollering and cheering him on, and he would find more energy and play harder... He would smile and motion to us after he scored a goal... And when he subbed out, he fell, breathing hard, across my lap, and we handed him his water and told him how proud we all were. It totally made me look at my life and evaluate how well I was doing in my sidelines job. Am I encouraging and supporting those that are out in more public ministry? Am I realizing the value/importance of my role? Am I seeing that yes, those on the field get to make all the goals, but they're also the ones who are more likely to get hurt, bruised, and exhausted?

It was just a sweet reminder that God fully intended me & my three year old to be doing the job of 'encouragement' and for my 6 year old to be out there playing in the game. Imagine how strange it would have been for me or my 3 year old to sub in and start playing the game because we 'really wanted to play.' Ugh- how awkward... Is that how it looks when we try to assume a roll in God's kingdom that was meant for someone else?

My final thought: The other cool perk about being there, encouraging the players, is that my 3 year old got to share in the team snack after the game. :) I'll let you reflect and draw your own parallels here. :) Happy Easter!

The good kind of testing:

2010-04-01T09:36:00.000-05:00

"Then the LORD said to Moses, "I will rain down bread from heaven for you. The people are to go out each day and gather enough for that day. In this way I will test them and see whether they will follow my instructions." Exodus 16:4 (If you don't know the story, read the verses around this particular verse to see how God was asking them to trust him for daily bread- and not to store it up for a later date...)

This is my life lately, encapsulated in a single Bible verse. :)

Aimee posted about how much it sucks to live during the process of doing Dave Ramsey's plan and Laura posted about God's provision in her adoption process and I have to agree with both. But through both, it has been amazing and miraculous to see what God has done. Steve and I had a great conversation earlier in the week about it- and I keep reflecting on it all week, so I'm going to write a VERY LONG blog post about it. :)

We have been truly put to the test through this process in the area of our finances. We started out, before starting the adoption, feeling convicted about getting our finances in order, during the spring of 2008- and started on Dave Ramsey's Baby Steps . We had been doing it half-heartedly before then, but as Dave says, we got 'gazelle intense' (visualize a gazelle being chased by a cheetah!).

When Andy was diagnosed in Feb of '08 with Type 1 Diabetes, it not only rocked every part of our 'emotional world' and daily life, it wrecked our finances. We had health insurance but not 'good insurance.' I drove (in tears) to a reputable coin dealer in town, and sold 3/4 of the coins my grandfather saved and left to me when he died. We had previously talked about how we would be content to sell them to pay for adoption expenses- and how special that would be that the inheritance would be used to grow our family- but here we were, selling it to pay for medical bills.

We sold one of our two cars, sold a bunch of stuff on craigslist, stopped eating out (unless it was a secret shop), and lived (and live) on a paired down budget. We've muttered Dave's name under our breath at times, but we knew it was best to get out from the debt we were in: Credit cards (about $5K, $3K of which was the medical bills), Car loan $12K, and the last of the Student Loan from Steve's Master's degree (I don't remember how much... maybe 1 or 2K?)... So, we dug in our heels and did it- intentionally keeping our tithing/giving going strong through the whole process.

We used anniversary, birthday, and Christmas $ to pay down debt. We used tax refunds to pay down debt. We live on a VERY paired down budget and continued to pay things off/save. And girls, I'm talking about how I honestly don't remember the last pair of shoes I bought for myself... Nope- upon reflection, I bought a pair in November of 2008 but threw them out this winter because they were cheap and made my feet stink. :) Anyway- I digress.

All the while, we still felt like we were being led toward starting the adoption process - but wanted to do it without debt. So, we prayed. And, in August of 2008, sent in the adoption application with only a little over $1000 in our savings acct. And God responded. The reason we were able to start the adoption when we did, was because of a family gift to get us rolling.

Then, 7 months later, it began to look like Steve was going to lose his job. His boss came to him and suggested he look around, just in case... so we did. And, man did God provide. Not only did he get offered a job, they moved us and reimbursed EVERY expense except for things relating to the sale of our house... and now we have AWESOME health insurance coverage- for a while at least ;). We realized though that with Andy starting school, we would be unable to live on 1 car here- so we used our adoption fund to buy a $2800 car. :( But amazingly through it all, we only went a week without a paycheck.

I will admit, through all of these things, I would trust God but get discouraged in the in between times- looking at the circumstance and wondering HOW IN THE WORLD it was going to all work out??? I kept wondering why everything we would save up, would get sucked right back out of the bank account for something else! But amazingly, God came through EVERY time. EVERY SINGLE TIME. Random friends came out of the woodwork and gave us $ for the adoption, donated toward our garage sale, etc.

And- in September of 2009 the debts were ALL paid. We paid off everything but the house, and we have NO debt on the adoption process. And we got an adoption grant for more money than we had even asked for in our application!? WHAT? :)

So, when I start to worry about the next steps in the adoption, or in life for that matter, and our bank account seems like a pocket with a hole in it, I'm reminded that God has done amazing things to provide for us. He has blessed our diligence to remain out of debt and honored our desire to still be a giving family. So, it breeds a sense of expectancy in me because everything we try to 'save for tomorrow' ends up going toward something else- yet all of the adoption fees keep getting paid some other way. Its like God is being VERY intentional in showing us that WE are not doing this. HE is doing this.

I'll admit though, I'd REALLY enjoy not being in this 'manna' season where there is only enough for the day... :) Be encouraged, blog friend! God is on your side and He's moving on your behalf! Even if certain areas of your life feel like pockets with holes in them... :)

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it."
-Malachi 3:10

Accreditation update

2010-03-29T16:56:00.000-05:00

*NEW UPDATE as of 4/2/10: A temporary license has been issued! Hopefully we'll see movement soon!!!

Update as of 3/29------
No- the accreditation has not gone through yet. There is talk of a temporary license being issued in the meantime so that referrals can occur and other things can progress... :) Word also has it that there are a few babies ready to be referred! So, I'm praising God that movement is coming and little people will be with their forever families soon!

Thanks for praying, and keep it up! We're hopeful that the process will be complete soon and that several families will get 'the call'! :)

I've been thinking about Rom 8:25 lately regarding the adoption/our baby girl: '...if we look forward to something we don’t yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently.' Yes, Lord. :)

Beginning to sew...

2010-03-22T15:15:00.000-05:00

Well, I'm beginning a new venture that will hopefully be in full swing in the next few months. I'm going to make some things out of the plethora of beautiful Indian fabrics I have and sell them as a fundraiser for the adoption... . Some were bought new in India in bazaars, others at Fab India, and others at the used saree bazaar in Dehradun (It's like going to goodwill/ARC except it's yards and yards of beautiful Indian fabrics- with only minor defects that you can cut around when sewing!) Once I get some things finished I'll post pictures and hopefully draw some interest from parents who have adopted or will adopt Indian kiddos (or those of you out there who just want to buy something cute to support our adoption). :) Some of the fabrics look blatantly Indian, others are not obviously Indian- (including some cream colored organic cotton not pictured). And I actually have some Thai Silk and some brocades from Hong Kong that I could use if some of you have friends adopting from Thailand or China...

Here are some ideas I'm throwing around in my head... I'm going to break out the sewing machine after all the little people around here get healthy (and aren't as clingy)!

Child-size cooking/craft aprons

Tooth fairy pillows

Doll sized punjabi suits/kurtas (sarees are WAY too difficult to undertake at this point)

wall hangings/small quilts

rag dolls (like a pillowcase or handkerchief doll)

Christmas stockings

Dress Up Clothes

Any other suggestions out there of things I could make? I'm just a mama with a sewing machine though- so don't ask for replicas of the taj mahal out of fabric or anything... :) Here is a blanket I did last year for a friend- but that one is not from the fun Indian fabrics... :) Also, one of my dilemmas is that some of the fabric is really flowy/sheer and will 1) be a bit more difficult to sew/hem and 2) need to be backed with another fabric for strength.

So, comment away on what would be more desirable, or what I should attempt to make, and I'll get to experimenting and see what comes of it! :)

Are you looking for the way of escape?

2010-03-18T19:20:00.001-05:00

Our church Lenten messages have been really great at bringing me to a place of repentance. (If you want to hear/watch the mini-messages click here. The messages are called 'The Call' and labeled 1-5.) Yesterday we watched #4 and one part of the message that stood out to me was about 1 Cor 10:13- 'No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.'

What stuck with me was what he said about finding freedom from temptation. He asked if we were actively LOOKING FOR the way of escape that God provides in every temptation.

It calls to mind something that my dad taught me about defensive driving when I was 16. He taught me to always be mindful of the way of escape- even when the road was not difficult and the people around me were driving normally. That way- when the terrain suddenly changes or the car in front of you gets a sudden flat- you're prepared and have a 'way of escape' in mind, so that you avoid a crash.

My temptation in the weariness of life (We had an ER visit from 11-3 last night- so I'm definitely needing this today!) is to put the kids to bed and turn the TV on for about 3 hours, then go to bed just as exhausted as I started the evening... But tonight, my way of escape is going to His word, re-reading His promises and finding rest and peace in the Spirit of God that is alive and well; comforting, strengthening, and building us up in our faith. Let them be your way of escape too:

Isaiah 40:31 ESV
But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.

Matthew 11:28-30 ESV
Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”

Isaiah 40:28-31 ESV
Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary;
his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint,
and to him who has no might he increases strength.
Even youths shall faint and be weary,
and young men shall fall exhausted;
but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings like eagles;
they shall run and not be weary;
they shall walk and not faint.

Psalm 37:7 ESV
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; fret not yourself over the one who prospers in his way, over the man who carries out evil devices!

Stepping back and seeing the pattern.

2010-03-12T12:42:00.000-06:00

I'm looking back over the 6 months or so and I'm noticing a pattern. Over and over again I am finding myself stunned, shocked, thrown off kilter, perturbed, etc... because of new information popping up that I 'should' have known about, but for some reason didn't.

Here's an example or two:

Every parent from my kindergartner's class (except me) receiving weekly emails from the teacher and me feeling really out of touch (And A getting really sad every time I didn't remember something that I didn't know about yet).
I did a secret shop, performed it to the letter, then had an editor contact me to tell me that I had done it wrong and that the instructions stated blah, blah, blah... when in fact, my instructions didn't say that. To which she replies "Well, they used to. Sorry, we're not going to pay you for that job." What?! (And, I did request to speak to the manager about the secret shop job, AND got paid, btw...)

What I felt at the core was this: I cannot be held responsible for something I don't know. AND- it's not fair.

Each situation was not life-changing or too big to deal with- but yet each situation left me with a choice:
1. Whine and complain, then blame others who dropped the ball.
2. Pick up whatever pieces were left, dust them off and attempt to put them back together with grace.

Initially I thought it was just some part of my crazy love for organization or structure that was making me have a problem with it- but then on Wednesday it hit me. These two examples were only a fraction of the events like this that have happened to me lately. It's happening OVER and OVER and OVER again (Weird, I know).

Thankfully, I was able to sit and think about it while reflecting with a friend the other day and I saw the pattern... The HUGE pattern. Not only had it been happening over and over again- but I realized that I progressively handled the situations with more and more grace/peace. Let's just say that the secret shop job, I landed on door #1 (blood boiling, keep your tone-down, Sarah..., thank God this is over the phone so they can't see how angry you look, etc.). Others, I was able to go with door #2... :)

And, after seeing such a grand pattern: I finally submitted my heart to God over it. I told him that I recognized that it was a lesson He was attempting to teach me- and that I was failing in big and small ways repeatedly. I surrendered the blame, anger, unfairness, etc. and asked Him for help the next time around. I can't help but think that I have a whopper coming around the corner at me though. Lord, let me be ready and let me choose door #2.

Home of the Dying

2010-03-02T13:22:00.001-06:00

I had about an hour last night where I lay awake in my bed, unable to fall asleep after checking A's blood sugar at 2:00 AM, then staying up long enough to make sure it went up to a good level before I went back to bed. All I could think about were the pictures of the Home of the Dying that I had looked through earlier in the day. So, I'll reflect a bit with you all- and this one is pretty far off from the funny/humiliating experience I posted about yesterday. Just be warned that this is pretty raw and a bit gritty. If you want rainbows and sunshine- this isn't the day to read my blog. This is one of those that is based on the thought that the difficult experiences in life are often the ones that shape you most:

During 2 months spent in Calcutta (Kolkata) in 1998, I toured Titagar on my 22nd birthday (a Missionaries of Charity run leper colony outside of Calcutta) and spent a series of days working in one of Mother Teresa's homes, The Home of the Destitute and Dying (Nirmal Hriday- meaning Pure Heart).
The home is an old, abandoned temple. Mother Teresa sought permission in the 1950's to use it as a hospice type facility for the poor. It practically shares a wall with Kali Temple (Kali is the Hindu goddess of death). How ironic, that a home to rescue the dying would be smack next to the temple celebrating and worshipping the goddess of death. This photo is of the roof of the home of the dying with linens drying in the sun, with the top of Kali temple just behind it.The building is divided into several large rooms. The men and women are in separate areas, for purposes of dignity and privacy. Male volunteers help the men, female volunteers help the women. Cots line the walls. These beds have vinyl covered foam mattresses on them (which had to be a wonderful comfort to the aching bodies of those that lay in them, considering that many of these people had been sleeping on the streets). Some of the people here regain strength and health and are able to go home, or move on. Others die, but die with whatever dignity and peace can be offered, and are surrounded with love as they pass.

This photo is taken from wikipedia of the men's area. The rest of the pics are a bit grainy, but are my own.

It is a home where the destitute are brought. Many here were found dying on the streets. Some are in late stages of diseases and are brought by family that can do nothing to help them. Others are merely too poor, low caste, or too disabled to receive medical care or feed themselves. This home made clear to me the heart of Mother Teresa, and the Missionaries of Charity. There is nothing boastful about this place. Nothing bold or blatantly evangelical. It is love, in one of it's purest and rarest forms; servanthood. Love for the unlovable, hurting, diseased, and cast out. And it is love that looks past caste or religion, in a nation that has a hard time looking past those divisions.
My first impression of the ladies I was helping, was that they must have looked similar to what those who survived the holocaust looked like. The second observation was that no matter how much I wanted to hear their stories, I didn't speak their language.

The sisters and volunteers that work here daily are amazingly selfless, tireless, and focused. They care for those they serve by preparing, and often hand-feeding them hot meals, washing linens/clothing daily, hand-bathing and helping the men and women use the restroom, dosing medications, administering physical therapy (so many of the women I helped had such atrophied muscles that it was painful for them to attempt to straighten their limbs). They know the men and women by name, and treat them with such respect, attention and care.

I don't remember exactly how many days we worked there. Maybe a week. But so many things struck me to the core. As you can see from the two pictures here of us holding the women, they would hold you back. Tightly. How often are they actually 'held' and not just 'lifted' to go to the shower or bathroom? One of the girls on our team actually got Tuberculosis on this trip. That's how real the death/disease is in this place.

I would go through those days, mostly subsisting on the mental level necessary to help out. I was completely in shock, having come from my wealthy, suburban, clean, and medical-care-abundant, American life, expecting to 'give my heart out to the poor.' I think that's why they have volunteers rotate duties/jobs at these homes. They rotate you through so that you're doing various tasks all day long (laundry, cooking, dispensing medication, showers, hand feeding some of them, bathroom assistance, etc.) - but I think it's so that you don't melt down from the overwhelming need that is so constant. There is a forced tea break as well- and I think that break has very little to do with nourishment for the volunteers... As I got back to our hostel each night, I would break down and just weep while listening to worship music in an attempt to be re-filled so that I could find the strength to do it again another day.

Passages in the Bible about helping the poor, helping the least of these, etc. took on such a depth of meaning to me that I had not experienced before. Thinking of these women, bruised and bleeding, in need of not only physical help, but someone to hold them in the absence of their family or friends. I went into it imagining that I could be a light, and pray over these women. I know I did those things- but it seemed so paltry in comparison to the raw needs they had (food, shelter, clothing, medical care, and rest). At one point, one of the longer term residents who was in a recovery stage- and one of the only ones who spoke English, shouted across the room at me "Use Force, Sister" as I was attempting to gently help a woman stretch her legs.

When I got home from India, I was asked to speak to the youth at The Rock in Bartlesville, OK. I don't remember what I said that day- but I was a MESS. I was still in some stage of shock, and still unable to fully make sense of the dichotomy...

So many things stand out in my memory, even 12 years later. If I close my eyes, I can still smell and feel the lye soap on my red, raw hands. I can hear the sounds of clanging gongs and goats being sacrificed in the temple nextdoor, and a loud funeral procession going through the streets outside. I can feel the heat on my hands of a glass of steaming HOT tea, served in a cup with no handle. I remember the thoughts I had as I washed my outfit every night at our hostel, wondering what germs/diseases I had present on my body and in my clothing. And the prayers I prayed each night that none of the ladies that I was helping that day would die while I slept...

Somehow, in some amazing way that only God could have orchestrated, I came home knowing that a piece of me had stayed in India, and a piece of India had remained in me. I knew that someday I would return. Now, years later, I look back. I lived there for a year, and am in the process of bringing a little Indian girl home to be part of our family. India will forever be a part of me!

---------------------------------------

Other things:

This beautiful prayer was prayed by the Pope on his visit there in 1986. Here also, is an amazing photo website, that you really MUST see, with many more images that reveal the beauty and the pain of this place. And this article showcases the work of the Missionaries of Charity, with info about a number of their homes/projects in Calcutta.

Pray for accreditation:

2010-03-01T21:20:00.000-06:00

Pray for the ACA's license to be renewed by CARA. :) Lots of letters/abbreviations, but that's the prayer that needs to be prayed. :) No Dillon/India referrals have taken place in more than a month because this renewal process isn't complete yet. So- for all of you friends/bloggers out there- take it to the Lord for all of us who are waiting. :)

And- Nancy asked for some stories from days in India... I thought of a few- but this one was particularly funny that I ran across in old journals:
Humorous moment from the Bilaspur project trip:
As we all got up to join Steve in singing a few songs in the Sunday service- Sarah gets up from her front row seat (where we all sat down when we arrived at the service before the rest of the congregation arrived) and realized that she was sitting on the men's side of the church- AND that all of the women (sitting on their appropriate side...) had their heads covered! AHH!
:-) I apologized to the pastor afterward- but it still makes for quite an interesting experience... (I think it was better than on a previous trip to India when all the girls on my team showed up to church wearing men's Indian Punjabi suits instead of women's...- ask me later for the story).

I'll try to look up other more interesting and culturally revealing stories from my old journals- but this one was a funny glimpse back into this small town church experience. :)

On a more somber note, I came across some pictures of my time spent working in Mother Teresa's Home of the Dying. That was surely one of the most humbling acts of service I've ever experienced. I'll see if I can scan them and put some up here...

Man, is God messing with me

2010-02-26T18:55:00.000-06:00

Wow. I'm not sure of the spark that started the fire in my heart- but I've been so driven to seek the Lord lately. I'm grateful for a passion that is returning. Makes me feel like 'me' again. I feel like I'm fleeing something to get more of God today. Part of me thinks I should never turn on the TV again. It can be such a stumbling block for me. Or a trip wire. Or a buried land mine...

I'm just so hungry to hear the Lord clearly. I'm so earnestly eager to be in His presence. I sat at lunch today and prayed for the people around me. Even that was a battle though. It was such a good lesson for me and a good practice to eat alone in a restaurant and deal with the silence around me, mixed with the intense volume of my own thoughts. I felt like I was constantly telling my mind to shut up so that my spirit could do what it was supposed to do (if that makes much sense). I had to actively stay focused. It was like spirit-filled people watching. Asking the Lord to tell me their needs, so that I could pray for God to meet them specifically where they need Him.

I guess I've 'cultivated desperation' as my pastor talked about on Ash Wednesday. He talked about when we live so focused on ourselves and our own agenda, we have less 'need' of the Lord. But when we instead focus on Him, and what He says in the word, and what the word says about us; we realize we need Him desperately. I think for a season I've been ignoring the fruit of my life. Instead of God's spirit flowing through me gracefully, it has only flowed through in sputters. Occasionally something would be produced that is useful and worth giving to someone else, but mostly stuff that would better be thrown in the trash because it was fruit of my own labor; fruit of idleness, discontent, and disregard.

This video brought me to tears tonight. This song (and Galeana by Waterdeep) is such a cry of my heart. It is a wonderful challenge for me. Ever since we moved back from India, I've felt challenged from the Lord to take up the torch of prophetic intercession. Honestly, it scares me. The accountability of it, the intensity of it- the self-sacrifice necessary to remain in that place. You can pray for me in that area if you think about me. I've resisted (childishly) for a while (well, we've been back for 6 years- so more than a while) mostly because I prepared for so long, and prayed for so long about being IN a foreign country. And, although I'm back here in the US, I am called to pray for those who are where I would love to go... and because I've seen and experienced some of the depth of pain, the poverty, the difference in cultures, lifestyle, way of thinking, etc. I can pray with more perspective. And for that, I'm grateful...

The season of Lent- how I need to position my heart

2010-02-17T11:08:00.000-06:00

Looking at the season of Lent this morning,
I'm making these songs my soundtrack for Lent. :)

I've been thinking and praying about what I can give up for Lent, as a symbol of my utter dependence upon God... and to get rid of some 'junk' in my life that is cluttering my heart and mind. So, Steve and I are both giving up TV, and I'm also going to not eat sweets. I'm already having heart palpitations about giving up TV... but I know it will be good for not only my spirit man, but also for many other areas of my life that often get neglected because of my propensity to de-stress nightly in front of something mindless/spiritless/fruitless...

I'm looking forward to awesome worship for our Ash Wednesday service with Darrell Evans at my church tonight, btw, if you want to come!:) Starts at 7:00. It has been years since I've celebrated Lent, and I'm really excited to be doing it with my new church that has such a beautiful spirit of freedom.

Like a Tree- Justin Rizzo
This is such a beautiful chorus to get on my face and sing to the Lord. Ahh, such depth is to be found in you, Lord.

Everything is Different by Shane and Shane

(Start it 2:40 into the video... they're just talking at the beginning)
Who am I to know Your glory
Who am I to recognize Your voice
Calling out

How could I be in Your story
God who was and is, and is to come
Who has won

I was dead in my sin
You came in, yeah

Chorus: You made a way when there was no way
You covered heaviness with garments of praise
You wrote a song and you're singing it over me
I feel a dead heart beating now
This revelation makes me want to shout
That Jesus has been sent
And everything is different
Oh yes it is

You turn ashes into beauty
You are for me not against me now
You found me somehow

You turned mourning into dancing
You turned weeping into joyful noise
Oh rejoice

I was dead in my sin
You came in, yeah

Chorus

What matter of love
That You would call us sons and daughters
We call Abba Father
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah
I will never be the same

We're Pumping! :)

2010-02-05T14:04:00.000-06:00

I think it's strange that I find myself most contemplative and verbose on the blog when I'm tired (starting on the insulin pump is like bringing a newborn into the house- i.e. steep learning curve, less sleep, constant attention/changes that you don't understand...)- but when things are exciting (like when we got the grant a few weeks ago) I type about three sentences worth of exclamation points and I'm done. :) I can be such a spaz when caffeinated or well-rested, and yet so deep and reflective if lacking sleep. :)

Anyway- first site change with the pump occurred today. I tried to plan it so that I would be able to send A to school and then change the infusion set when he got home from school. That way I wouldn't be rushed to do it this morning when I was trying to get both boys ready for school. His blood sugar was high all morning because of the adjustments the doc has been making to try and fine tune the amount of insulin he gets through the pump. Because of that, his pump was running low on insulin by lunch and I had to do my first official site change in a fancy closet of the nurse's office at school. love it. It actually went really well. I'm slow but effective. I think I just need to remember the feeling I had while doing it for the first time- so that when my mom and mom-in-law do it for the first time I'll be that much more sympathetic toward them.

If you're curious, or want to watch my kids for any period of time, here's my mental breakdown of the list of things to do (this is for you, Mom). If this is completely mundane, scroll to the bottom and see the photo of this 'amazing, almost artificial pancreas' type of thing... :)

Select the insertion spot, rotating sides of his bottom each 3 days, and doing a small W pattern, so that the needle is in a different spot every time you rotate sites. Clean the site with an alcohol swab.
You don't need to suspend action/function on the pump because the site change will take only about 20 minutes (I'm sure we'll get faster at it when we have more experience).

Put a small grape sized amount of lidocaine cream on the spot you're going to use on his bum, cover with press and seal so that it numbs the spot and doesn't get all over.

Detach pump from the kid and take off extra tubing, remove reservoir from pump by turning a 1/2 turn counterclockwise.

Use detachol/adhesive remover to try and take off the stickers/covers off of his skin.

After gently pulling off the big IV dressing sticker from the insertion site, peel up the edges of the sticker around the needle.

Grab the wings off the insertion/needle and pull straight back to remove it.

Clean the sticky gunk off the site. :)

Open a new reservoir from the sterile packaging.

Clean the top of the insulin vial off with an alcohol swab.

Push the blue reservoir mount thing (hold onto the blue part while you do this) on top of the vial until it clicks.

With the vial on a table, and the air/reservoir on top, push the 100 units of air from the reservoir into the vial.

Flip the vial and reservoir combo over while holding the plugger in and let it pull a little insulin in by it's own pressure, then pull it to 100 units.

Tap any bubbles to the top. Push them back into the vial gently using the plugger.

Unhook the reservoir from the blue holder thing with a 1/2 twist counterclockwise.

Attach the tubing/infusion set with a 1/2 twist onto the same end.

Check for remaining bubbles. Remove all bubbles by tapping and making them go up the tubing. When all bubbles are up the tubing (you can push a little bit of insulin up to push them out) then go to next step.

With all bubbles out of the vial, unscrew the plugger and discard.

Hit Act on the pump, go down on the menu to Prime and select 'Rewind.' Follow the instructions it gives to rewind the pump.

After rewound, insert the reservoir and turn a 1/2 turn clockwise to tighten/lock in place.

Make sure both sections of the tubing are connected (but also make sure that you're keeping the needle end sterile).

Hit Act on the pump again and select 'Prime'- select Manual prime. When you're ready, hold down the act button until a droplet of insulin comes out the end of the needle. You'll want to remove the clear needle protector first so that you can easily see it come out.

Check the tubing for ANY small bubbles. If there are bubbles present, do the manual prime again or the auto prime and select a few units of insulin so that the insulin pushes the bubbles completely out of the tubing.

After you're sure there are no bubbles in the tubing, set the primed pump and infusion set down on a clean surface, making sure to keep the needle sterile/facing up.

Remove the press and seal wrap from his bum, wipe off the lidocaine cream (30 minutes time is ideal for the numbing to occur). The lidocaine makes his skin kind of white where it's numb, so be sure to aim for the white spot for insertion.

Clean the white spot with an alcohol swab, starting in the center and spiraling outward to cover the surface where the sticker will attach.

Pinch/hold the wings of the needle patch and get ready to insert. Peel the stickers off the back of the needle piece.

Make sure that the tubing is aimed toward the upper outside hip where the pump pack will be so there isn't a lot of extra tubing pulling on the site.

With the wings pinched, insert the needle straight into the numbed/cleaned area and press down lightly on the stickers to keep it in place.

Prepare to mount the other sticker up above where the waist band of his pants hit. Leave a little tubing slack between the insertion site and the other mounted sticker so it doesn't pull when he moves or pulls down his pants.

Use the large IV dressing sticker and place it over the infusion site/needle site and a bit of the tubing. After pressed in place, remove the hard plastic cover so that only the 'skin' of the sticker remains.

You can lock the pump (if you want) and then place it back in the pump pack, carefully tucking in any extra tubing.
The pump is fully set up and functional!!! You did it!!

I'll probably come back and edit this once I get it down pat, so that I can make sure to include any other helpful hints. :) Here's a photo of the pump, tubing, pump pack (that he keeps it in on a belt around his waist) and the two stickers. The one above the belt is a connector piece where he can disconnect the pump so that he can take a bath. The on one his hip down lower has the needle in it that stays under his skin all the time. :)

Before and After

2010-02-04T09:49:00.001-06:00

I posted a comment on a friend's blog yesterday that got me thinking (and the switch to an insulin pump on Wednesday started the contemplation process as well). My comment was more of a confession; that my heart breaks every time I look at old pictures of my 6 year old. I actually get sad looking at them, knowing that the photos taken before Feb 19th, 2008 were the blissful days before Diabetes. A turning point when I felt our lives were turned upside down. I weep for the burden of his future with this disease. I grieve the loss of 'easy' days of life with a healthy child. I long for the things we once thought were difficult.

I see this picture on Valentine's day 2 years ago and see how pale and thin he looked. He just looks sick. The picture on the right is after about two months of receiving the daily insulin shots.

I've stated so many times how the Lord's arm has sustained me through the difficulty of this disease. I recognize that the Lord (and the hand of excellent doctors and researchers who have furthered treatment of this disease) sustained Andy's life. I also realize that although my prayers for Andy's complete healing have not been answered, God has sustained our family to proceed THROUGH this disease. This psalm is the cry of my heart through this pain:

Psalm 116: 1-13
I love the LORD, for he heard my voice;
he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,
the anguish of the grave came upon me;
I was overcome by trouble and sorrow.

Then I called on the name of the LORD :
"O LORD, save me!"
The LORD is gracious and righteous;
our God is full of compassion.
The LORD protects the simplehearted;
when I was in great need, he saved me.

Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.
For you, O LORD, have delivered my soul from death,
my eyes from tears,
my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the LORD
in the land of the living...

How can I repay the LORD
for all his goodness to me?
I will lift up the cup of salvation
and call on the name of the LORD.
---
Any of you 'theologians' out there know what 'lifting up the cup of salvation' means? I don't know exactly what it means, but I can in my limited perspective, imagine standing at the head of a banquet table (my life) and offering up a toast. I toast the Almighty. Your goodness is unparalleled. Your mercy is never ending. Your strength is the source of my life. And although the cup our family drinks from is sometimes bitter, it is nothing compared to the sacrifice you made on our behalf. I drink to Your faithfulness, Lord, and Your willingness to stay by my side even when I turn my back on You, when I chose foolishness over wisdom.

I was challenged at Bible study this week, to daily, actually, get on my face before the Lord. It causes me to reflect on things (like this post), but it also humbles me sooo much to stay in that kind of posture for any length of time. Thanks, Jesus, for humbling yourself to be in the midst of the mess of humanity.

Does this look like a bitter life? Not a chance. My cup overflows...

2010-01-25T18:01:00.000-06:00

First pause the music at the bottom of my blog- then watch/listen to this... Awesome stuff. Michael Gungor is the son of my pastor. He has some great music out there (Friend of God is my favorite!)- and this hits the nail on the head.

My dad's crusty white braided bread:

2010-01-22T21:48:00.000-06:00

Ok- here's the recipe. My dad used to be the baker in the family for holidays/special events. He died suddenly 6 years ago. I love making this and remembering him. I also have fond memories of him singing along with Johnny Cash and any other oldie on the radio. Maybe I should start playing dad's music while I make it. :) This picture is of him laughing really loud after A grabbed my dad's glasses off his face...

Makes 2 large loaves

5 cups flour
2 pkgs yeast
2 cups warm water (115* is ideal, I think)
1/4 cup oil
2 Tbsp sugar
1 Tbsp salt

In a large bowl, combine 2 cups flour and yeast. Add water, oil, salt and sugar. Beat 30 seconds on low and 3 minutes on high with bread hooks on your mixer (or stir it by hand and make your hand go really fast like on cartoons). :) Stir in enough flour to make a stiff dough- usually another 3 cups on top of the 2 you started with.

Turn onto a clean surface and knead for 8-10 minutes, dusting with flour if it gets sticky. Shape into a ball and place in a lightly greased bowl. Cover with an oil-sprayed pc of plastic wrap and put a damp towel on top of the plastic wrap and let rise for about 60-75 min in a warm spot (until doubled).

Let your aggression out and punch it down. Divide it into 6 balls. Cover with the sprayed plastic wrap and damp towel again and let it rest for 10 min.

Roll each ball into a 16 inch rope (or a little longer). On a greased baking sheet, laugh while you attempt to braid the pcs together into two loaves. Tuck and pinch the end pieces under so they don't break open while baking/rising. Make sure to leave space between the loaves so that they can spread out and fully cook.

Cover again and let rise in a warm spot for 30 minutes. Bake at 375* for 30 minutes. They're done when you thump the top lightly with a wooden spoon and it sounds hollow. :)

Just typing it makes me want to make it again- but I'm already having a hard time buttoning my fat jeans- so I think I'll lay off for a while. Speaking of fat jeans, I highly recommend eating this bread warm with a smear of nutella. But don't blame me when your fat jeans get tight too... :)

We got a grant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-01-20T12:04:00.000-06:00

I'm without a good descriptive word right now...

Amazed.
Awed.
Flabbergasted.
Superfantabulastically excited?

We got a grant for a portion of our adoption expenses from Shaohannah's hope!!!!

Thank you Jesus!

Sweet moments with Little People

2010-01-19T21:52:00.000-06:00

Today was a funny, blessing kind of a day. Full of highlights that make life as a mommy so awesome.

The sweetness started with E wanting to sit on my lap while I watched a 'mommy TV show' this afternoon. I ended up watching part of a recorded episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition from a few weeks ago that featured the Muppets (I figured, hey, if he was willing to sit with me, I might as well pick a the episode where there are puppets tearing down a house...). :) About half way through, I notice he's starting to breathe heavily- and his eyelids flutter closed. My 3 1/2 year old fell asleep on me! (This DOES NOT happen anymore!) So sweet. So, I sat there, remote in hand, thankful that I didn't have to pee- and watched two more 30 minute shows I had recorded. :) I loved hearing him breathe/snore, watching him occasionally twitch, and just having him so close for so long.

We went to pick up A from school and came home to ride bikes in the driveway. Within about 10 minutes, 4 neighbor kids joined in on the fun. 2 Bikes, 3 scooters, and 2 remote controlled vehicles were going every which direction- and eventually two plastic boomerangs were whizzing EVERYWHERE (1 ending on the neighbor's roof). I LOVE that my boys have neighbor kids their age to play with now. In Colorado we had neighbors but let's just say they were more interested in Medicare than boomerangs. Sometimes I joke that we traded our mature trees and mature neighbors for immature trees and immature neighbors (meaning kids, of course...)!

After it started to rain, the neighbor kids ended up coming in and playing here for about 20 minutes before the chaos started to get to me as I was attempting to start dinner - and I broke up the party. I had the boys wash up and they wanted to help me cook. I was working on making some homemade bread (I LOVE to make my dad's recipe, but I only do it about 3 times a year). So, we each put on our aprons (me in my 'Pampered Bride' apron from a wedding shower 11 years ago... and the boys in their ever-macho robot aprons.). They helped me knead and were so cute doing it.

Anyway- we had dinner as a family, ended the night reading some dinosaur books together before my hubby got them ready for bed (thank you!). Our bedtime snack was homemade braided bread with nutella on it... :) mmmmmm :) A and I had a great conversation as I was tucking him in about a friend of his at school who has a hard time with pronunciation. I love watching the caring nature in him really shine... he came to the realization that it's probably pretty frustrating for his friend to have a hard time saying his r's, and being made fun of for it must be especially hard.

Then tucking in E was fun too... but not in the deep, introspective way. I loved the story he/we made up about an elephant named Steve who ate a whole tree full of peaches, got sick, puked, then went to ride his hot wheels bike with real fire/smoke shooting out the back.

I love my life. As much as I can obsess about the child we're waiting on but have not yet met... the other two we have are amazingly fantastic. :) And although I should have taken pics while they were in their robot aprons, this pic of E wearing quite a bit of Nutella is priceless...

Infertility

2010-01-13T14:39:00.001-06:00

Odd title for this post- but I was reflecting on a post I wrote back in 2007. I was thinking earlier in this process that it feels like I've been pregnant for 16 months. But I feel like the comparison to infertility is actually a more accurate description.

Here are a few direct quotes from that 2007 post that I find pertinent and interesting in my current 'infertile season of the adoption' (where nothing is happening while we wait:)):

(Prayer for friends going through infertility)
"...but He is also able to soften your heart to believe and hope for His ultimate plan and timing."

"I also encourage you to seek Him and allow Him to grow you in all other areas while you wait.

"I'm realizing that peace is not JUST the absence of conflict- it's the presence of God. I want THAT more than anything."

Hang on. He IS able, more than able..."

I love that as I read this over to myself, I realize that I need to hear it again, 3 years later and believe it for my own life. I also think it's interesting that I was prepared 10 years ago (as prepared as you can be, I guess) for an experience with infertility because of what the Dr. told me in 2000. But 10 years, 2 kids and 1 miscarriage later, I realize that I haven't experienced infertility- until now... This adoption is sooo completely out of my hands. We started the paperwork last August (see the lilypie thing at the top of the blog to see how long we've been 'trying' for this baby).

My prayers today sound the same as they did when we were trying to conceive the first time and didn't know if it would be tomorrow or years away. I see too that I still need to REST and relax, and allow God to do it when I'm least expecting it. :) Or 'stop trying' - (as if I can 'try' my way to a referral).

(Deep breath.)

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life (Pr 13:12). :)

Remembering His promises:

2010-01-06T13:29:00.000-06:00

My emotional processing via the blog-world is not terribly healthy. I realize this… But I think it’s my form of calling a girlfriend when I’m overwhelmed. I need to get it out, then I can exhale. So, I’m into His word currently and am reflecting on His promises- and thankfully that grounds me like nothing else! Enough being bummed about a possible tax credit. I need to remind myself of the FAITHFUL one...

Here goes:
Verse for today: 1 Peter 1:13 (New International Version)
Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled; set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.

Verse for the adoption: Isaiah 43 (New International Version)
1 But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, O Jacob,
he who formed you, O Israel:
"Fear not, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.

3 For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I give Egypt for your ransom,
Cush [a] and Seba in your stead.

4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,
I will give men in exchange for you,
and people in exchange for your life.

5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
I will bring your children from the east
and gather you from the west.

6 I will say to the north, 'Give them up!'
and to the south, 'Do not hold them back.'
Bring my sons from afar
and my daughters from the ends of the earth-

7 everyone who is called by my name,
whom I created for my glory,
whom I formed and made."

---
Pass through, pass through the gates!
Prepare the way for the people.
Build up, build up the highway!
Remove the stones.

Raise a banner for the nations.
The LORD has made proclamation
to the ends of the earth:

"Say to the Daughter of Zion,
'See, your Savior comes!
See, his reward is with him,
and his recompense accompanies him.' "

They will be called the Holy People,
the Redeemed of the LORD;
and you will be called Sought After,
the City No Longer Deserted.

Isaiah 62:12-14

Unmet Expectations... AGAIN!

2010-01-04T16:35:00.000-06:00

Well, I got snared by unmet expectations, AGAIN...

I got all excited, thinking that we qualified for the extended homebuyers tax credit, available to those who owned homes for the last 8, lived in them for the last 5, etc... turns out it only applies to people who bought another home AFTER Nov 6th of 09... Bleh. I thought that the dates of the firstime home buyers credit were the same as the ones for the people who bought another home... :(

I was truly chomping at the bit to file our taxes so that we could get that $6500 and use it toward the remaining $12,000-13,000 left of the adoption expenses... not so.

So, I'm back to the drawing board of wondering HOW IN THE WORLD we're going to pull this off without going into debt.

And to top it all off, I'm starting to have dreams about our daughter, her birth mom, etc... I'm getting so messed up in my heart about it all, and it's still out there as this indefinite, etherial, almost-imaginary experience I'm going through. It feels at times like I'm pretending that I'm going to bring home another baby.

How much longer, Lord?

Shopping In Delhi-

2009-12-12T11:12:00.001-06:00

This is a totally unrelated post to what I've been blog/journaling lately. I have some friends from my small group headed to India in a few weeks. They asked if there's anything they can pick up for me, and other than my little girl, no, not much. :)

I put together this list in an email- and thought it might be something that the Dillon moms might want to know for their time in Delhi. So- here are my favorite shopping spots in Delhi. :)

-------------------
Santushti- The place I mentioned last night that I loved to shop for jewelry and such, that Steve accurately described as a 'utica' type of environment (a really nice, upper end type of area, although fully Indian :)) is called Santushti. Goldie Hawn was shopping there when I was there last... :) Kinda funny, me dressed in my Indian missionary garb shopping in the same area as a movie star. It's a big grassy/treed area with meandering sidewalks and little shops spotted around. *Fixed Price, Credit or cash.

Dilli Haat- Great outdoor area with handmade items and booths with items from different areas all over India is called Dilli Haat. Both Santushti and Dilli Haat have a very cheap 'admission cost' (it's probably like 10 Rs?) to enter the general shopping area. Both places also have restaurants as well. They will sometimes have music or productions happening in an amphitheater area there too. There is a market across the street from Dilli Haat called the INA market where I bought a lot of my home goods (more utilitarian shopping than tourist shopping)*Bargain down the prices. Cash only.

Khan Market- a small shopping area/district with bookshops, and other stores. *Fixed Price (generally- some stores might bargain with you). There is a pharmacy here, and several really good restaurants in this area (but I can't remember their names!) Credit or cash.

Fab India- several locations around Delhi (and India). It's my favorite store in India, hands down. They have men's and women's clothing, household decor, gifts, LOTS of textiles- and overall, just great quality items, and I think all of them are handmade. There are smaller Fab India stores in Khan Market, Connaught Place, and other areas- but the best/biggest ones are in GK1, N Block (Greater Kailash, N block). They have a website if you want to check it out in advance- but know that the prices will be cheaper in India in person than the website prices. they also have a Fab India that is exclusively fabric if you want to sew your own bedding with Indian fabrics... I don't remember which location in Delhi it was though. www.fabindia.com *Fixed Price, credit or cash.

GK1- Greater Kailash (suburb area of Delhi)- there's a shopping area in the M block and the N block. *Fixed Price shops, credit or cash.

Connaught Place- large shopping/metropolitan area in the heart of Delhi (has lots of US franchise restaurants around). It's a really big 2 loop circle with stores on the inner circle and outer circle. These are the higher end pretty expensive shops for the most part. *Fixed Price Shops, Credit or cash.

Janpath Market- (Tibetan market area specifically)- Crowded outdoor stalls with lots of people everywhere. Handicrafts and such. *Bargain your heart out! Cash only:)

Central Cottage Industries Emporium- on corner of Janpath/Tolstoy. This is a government run fixed price store. The main location is the one at Janpath/Tolstoy, and having been to the satellite locations- I recommend only going to the main store. This place is indoors (a great place to shop if the weather is bad). It is a GIANT store (think a 5 story Macy's), everything is fixed price- and they have EVERYthing from all over India in here (handicrafts, art, furniture, fabric, rugs, clothing, toys, books, jewelry, etc.). It's a good place to go if you don't want to do the outdoor market/crowded/bargaining scene. This is where I went when I wanted to buy children's clothes, toys and books. They have a really great selection of children's items. *Fixed Price- they'll take credit cards here.

Ok- it looks like all I did in India was shop! :) We went to Delhi every few months and it was our major shopping outlet- since we lived in such a small town with little amenities... :) From all of you Dillon moms who have already travelled- I'd love your input on your favorite spots as well.

How I'm going to get there:

2009-12-06T12:59:00.000-06:00

Alright. Based on my post from last night (during my time at Casa Sonata), I'm seeking out how to get back to the woman I'm called to be. I feel a bit strange doing this in front of the cyber world- but I need to be held acccountable... I've wished a number of times over the last 6 months that I could struggle through these issues face to face with my colorado springs friends- but I'm seeing now that God had to pluck me out of that comfortable place in order for me to deal with things that had settled and taken root that were not of Him; first of which was complacency.

I realized after a chat with a friend yesterday afternoon that I'm sounding like a broken record! I keep rehashing the same 'boo hoo' tales that need to be set aside and forgotten. I've learned over these last 6 months how empty and directionless I can find myself by turning inward for help/answers... yes, God's spirit is in me, and there were some nuggets to be found that kept me alive- but it's a little bit like 'feasting' on those stale cheerios that I find tucked in the couch cushions instead of getting a fresh meal that not only nourishes but is satisfying (but that requires WORK!).

2 Peter 1: 3-10
3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.
10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Listening to a message "The Holy Spirit's Power and our effort" by Francis Chan.

I find that I've been praying for an easy way out, not for a closer walk with the Lord, not for stronger character, not for steadfastness in Him. In all my heartfelt, tear-filled prayers for my son's healing (among other things)- I'm essentially searching for an easy way out for him and for our family. Instead of praying that God would use this diffuculty to mold us all into who He wants us to be and for us to be better witnesses to His faithfulness through living life with an incurable disease.

Opposition to the Rebuilding: more journal/blogging to help me process...

2009-12-05T20:10:00.000-06:00

Thank God (and my hubby) for a little R and R this weekend. I'm sequestering myself at my mom's while she's in FL- and I'm staying quiet (mostly). :)

I'm trying to take this weekend to turn off my cranial conversation with God and open my heart/spiritual ears to what He's been trying to say to me. I think in my attempt to 'listen' to His answers to my hundreds of questions/ponderings, I've completely missed the 'wide and long and high and deep' of his love (Eph 3:18). I'm praying that He'll turn my darkness into light (2 Sam 22:29)- and He's so faithful. He's already revealing Himself to me.

My questions are mostly about this season in my life where I feel like things have been progressing 'two steps forward, one step back.' I'm making progress- but there is constantly a repair or something to be struggled through in order to progress in my journey. What I envision, is the Lord, like a father, stroking my head while I lay weary across his lap. He's telling me that the struggle isn't the problem. The struggle IS THE JOURNEY. I'm weary because I'm not prepared for the struggle. Here I've been preparing for the destination while the journey kicks my butt- and I get frustrated.

I've lived such a cushy life up until recently, that now when I experience difficulty or struggle, I think there's a problem and I attempt to fix it in order to keep things smooth. The Lord is very gently trying to teach me that the issue is my resistance to having to struggle.

At some point in my walk, I internalized a teaching that I was supposed to 'follow the peace' because God is a God of peace... But upon further reflection, God is a God of strength and frequently a God of battle! Just because there is turbulence in my life, doesn't mean that God is not there... And just because things are smooth, doesn't mean God is in it... The only way to gain strength is by resisting things that are also strong (difficult). The only way to gain muscle is to work against another force- usually one bigger/stronger than you...

(man this is going to be a long post.)

In my Bible searching today I read about Nehemiah rebuilding the wall. In Nehemiah ch 4, the subheading is "Opposition to the Rebuilding." OH MY! This should be the sub-heading to my life right now! How totally appropriate!!!

Neh 4:14 'After I looked things over, I stood up and said to the nobles, the officials and the rest of the people, "Don't be afraid of them. Remember the Lord, who is great and awesome, and fight for your brothers, your sons and your daughters, your wives and your homes."

Nehemiah was speaking about the people continuing to re-build the wall because the enemy was headed their way. They were weary and they were being mocked while they worked. He was encouraging them to struggle through the difficulty of the labor involved in physically fighting to protect their families and their lives.

A verse that follows is Neh 4:17b:
Those who carried materials did their work with one hand and held a weapon in the other.

What an image. They were NOT dreamily building a wall, imagining what it would be like to someday have it complete. They were battling while they built.

This sounds like the ultimate multi-tasking challenge. I have to battle for my family and my God- while I rebuild the brokenness within myself and those around me. The battle and the repair are not the problem. My unwillingness to take them on; that's the problem.

Two very special 6's today:

2009-11-23T21:37:00.000-06:00

As of today, I have two very special 6's to announce. :) My oldest little man turned 6 today, and we got an email that we're #6 on the waiting list for our little princess! Yee Haw! :)

Headed into Thanksgiving with a definite heart of Thanksgiving! God is so faithful to paint a beautiful picture out of our lives. Sometimes it is just not the picture we thought it would be, and its not painted in our expected timeframe... :)

I've finally come out of my season of moping, or self-centered depression, or whatever you want to call it. I had about 6 months of glass is half-full thinking. Thankfully the Lord has helped me see my way out of the pit, and I now see the amazing things that make my life full, instead of just focusing on what I perceive as missing.

When I challenged myself to do a real, in-depth look at what I was struggling with that was keeping me down, I found a TON of useful stuff that God used to knock me upside the head. The main thing I found was that when I studied 'being content' or 'contentedness'- I found that some translations of scripture use the word 'agreement' in the place of 'content with'. I thought that was very interesting- and upon prayer and reflection, I realized that I was not in agreement with what God had been doing in my life, and I started to resent it and struggle with it selfishly.

I end up looking at Job losing almost everything and Paul while he was in prison. If they can be content, why can't I see my way out of my suburban, middle class, fully-fed, fully-clothed PIT? (Whatever, Sarah... Sometimes I can be such a schmuck!)

So, in repentance and rest I have re-found my salvation. (READ: Isaiah 30:15
This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: "In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.) Yes, that's right friends. I would have NONE of it. Instead of repentance and rest, I chose selfishness and busyness. Not wise.

But, I'm back. The mud is out of my eyes and heart and I'm pressing on. Hang in there friends, whether it's an actual hard season, or just a bout of selfish pouting. God can and will walk you through to the other side.

Tonight's wonderful Indian Dinner (if I do say so myself)!

2009-10-20T19:08:00.000-05:00

Ok- I set out to make an actual recipe for dinner, and it was amazing!

Here are the recipes if you're interested: It took 40 minutes or so to make. It's based on a recipe from a cookbook called "Indian" put out by Parragon Publishing (yes, 2 r's). My kids both loved it. Start the rice first, and let it cook while you prepare the shrimp.

Lemon-laced Basmati Rice (I just had american long grain):
I put 2 cups of rinsed rice in the rice cooker with the water called for on the package. Then on top of it, I put 1 tsp salt (or to taste), 1/2 cup cashews, and a generous squirt of lemon juice.
Then, in a saute pan:
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
1 tsp mustard seeds
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp cumin
After these have sauteed together for a minute or two, pour the hot, fragrant oil into the rice cooker (or pot) and stir it up. Close the lid and cook per directions on rice package.

Goan Shrimp Curry with Hard Boiled Eggs
*And don't say eww eggs... just try it!
*Also, for a vegetarian option, try it with baby bella mushrooms instead of shrimp.
4 Tbsp Olive Oil or butter
1 large onion, finely chopped
2 tsp minced ginger (or 1 tsp ginger powder)
2 tsp minced garlic (or 1 tsp garlic powder)
2 tsp ground coriander
2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp turmeric
1/2 tsp chili powder (or according to how spicy you want it, less or more)
1/4 tsp pepper
2 Tbsp water
1 can diced tomatoes
1 cup coconut milk
1 tsp salt, or to taste
4 hard boiled eggs
1 lb peeled, deveined raw shrimp
Juice of 1 lime
3 Tbsp chopped cilantro leaves

Instructions:
Start a pot with water and boil 4 eggs.

1. Get a large stock-pot and put in 4 Tbsp Olive oil or butter and 1 large onion finely chopped. Soften the onion for 2 minutes or so over medium heat then add the garlic and ginger and cook for a minute or so. While this is cooking, get a small bowl and combine the coriander, cumin, turmeric, chili powder and pepper. Add 2 Tbsp water to the spices to make a paste. Reduce heat to medium/low and add the paste to the onion mixture. Reduce heat to low and cook for 3 minutes.

2. Add half of the can of tomatoes, cook for 2 minutes, add the other half. Then add 1 cup coconut milk and bring to a slow simmer for 6-8 minutes stirring frequently.

3. Shell the eggs while that is cooking, and using a sharp knife, slice 3 slits in each egg lengthwise but don't cut all the way through (this will keep it together for those that may not want to eat the egg, and for presentation).

4. Add the eggs and the raw shrimp, increasing the heat to medium or a little higher and cook for 6-8 minutes.

5. Stir in the lime juice and half of the cilantro. Remove from heat and transfer to serving dish. Garnish with remaining cilantro and serve over the cashew rice. AMAZING.

unwavering faith

2009-10-05T16:46:00.000-05:00

I started thinking about the sermon that was preached at our church on Sunday and thought I'd process while I type- and send it into cyberspace for contemplation. It was on Abraham and Sarah- and on the hope that we could be like Abraham where we would become unwaivering in our devotion to God. When the speaker started in on this point, he reminded us that earlier in Abraham's history and walk with God, he brazenly bargained with God on something... when God was going to destroy Sodom. Instead of Abraham saying 'Yes, Lord,' or just standing by while God did His thing, Abraham bargained with God over and over (Genesis 18- and honestly it sounds to me like Abraham was on the Price is Right... REALLY pushing it with God.)

22 The men turned away and went toward Sodom, but Abraham remained standing before the LORD. 23 Then Abraham approached him and said: "Will you sweep away the righteous with the wicked? 24 What if there are fifty righteous people in the city?...

26 The LORD said, "If I find fifty righteous people in the city of Sodom, I will spare the whole place for their sake."
...
...
...
...

32 Then he said, "May the Lord not be angry, but let me speak just once more. What if only ten can be found there?"
He answered, "For the sake of ten, I will not destroy it."

33 When the LORD had finished speaking with Abraham, he left, and Abraham returned home.

But yet later, when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his only son- Abraham didn't argue, didn't plead, he got his son and some firewood and headed for the mountain...

WHAT?

As you read further in the story, you see that Abraham says to his servants as he's about to head up the mountain with Isaac 'WE will worship and then WE will come back to you (ch 22).' I see that you could look at this as if Abraham is not wanting to point out to others that he's going to go sacrifice his son- OR you could see it through his eyes of faith- that 2 will go up and 2 will come down... that GOD WILL PROVIDE...

So, I internalize this story a bit and think about this adoption we're in the midst of... Why should I doubt that God is going to provide not only the finances to get us through the 'process of adoption' but also the heart, love, home, and ability to parent all of our children to His glory... of course He will.

My prayer is that I'm able to remain in this place of hope and faith with God- and not go back to bargaining and questioning Him. :)

Safetytats.com

2009-09-16T14:04:00.000-05:00

OK- so I stumbled on this link through a friend's blog today- and as the mother of a diabetic kid that will sometimes go to day camp or be cared for in a public setting... I love the idea: www.safetytats.com

They make all kinds of personal'ized/able' tattoos for kids... for everything from when you send your kids trick or treating- to alerting nursery workers of food allergies! Awesome.

And, for the sake of complete randomness to my postings... Did any of the rest of you know that Benjamin Franklin wrote a paper on farting? An essay on flatulence. Somehow my teachers skipped past that in history class...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fart_Proudly

What a total God thing!

2009-09-14T09:02:00.000-05:00

When we moved here we spent a good chunk of our adoption savings account on a beater car for Steve to drive to work (since he had a company truck with his job in Colorado)... so we got here, got settled in the house, bought a car, and felt like we were nearly back to $0! So, we set out a few months ago to have a garage sale to fund raise for our adoption expenses. (We've spent just over $12,000 so far, and have an estimated $12,000-$15,000 to go.)

Out of the kindness of some friends' hearts, they donated everything from furniture, clothing, toys, to a Christmas tree! We even received an amazing quantity of items through a friend of a friend who just moved overseas to serve as missionaries in Morocco! GOD bless you, AWM missionaries who donated all of the stuff you didn't move with you!!!

We craigslisted, we advertised in the paper, and we prayed feverishly for God to bless this effort and to bring people in! I was just amazed. All of our furniture was gone in the first 15 minutes. Some people bargained, but some people gave more than the asking price and told us to keep the change! We also had friends write checks for more than their purchase price! The forcast said rain all weekend- but it didn't start to sprinkle until 6 minutes before our pre-set closing time!

All in all, I was flabbergasted. God came through in such a beautiful and amazing way! I will confess that I would love for the process to be one where someone comes up and writes us a check for $15K... but God hasn't chosen to do that for us- so we'll scrimp and save, and be AMAZED at his faithfulness in strange ways (i.e. bringing hundreds of people out to our house to buy junk off of our driveway!). :)

So, in total we raised more than $1600! One of my FB friends commented, "Who has a $1600 garage sale???" To which I want to say- apparantly that's God's kind of garage sale... :) So, THANKS again to all of you who donated items, shopped and prayed!

I ended my weekend in a great way as well! Steve told me that he had heard Kari Jobe was going to be at Victory for a worship service on Sunday night- so I headed over there, worshipped my guts out and cried my eyes out. Great ending to a great weekend!

Wheels are finally in motion!

2009-08-31T14:22:00.001-05:00

It feels SOOOOO good to have wheels rolling on the adoption again. I joked the other day that we'll meet our daughter sometime right after we take our current 5 year old off to college... (lets just say it is moving MUCH slower than I expected)!

We passed the one year anniversary of the start of our adoption journey- and although it did make me sad, I was glad to know that we're actually DOING something on the adoption front again.

So, today I finished up the i800A application and checked with Dillon to see when our homestudy update would reach our greedy little hands... :) I'm getting the envelope ready and the check written so that I can stick it in with our other paperwork and swoop down to the post office and get it sent to the powers that be!

We're also amassing a large quantity of stuff (some nicer than the rest...) for our adoption fundraising garage sale that we hope to have on the 11th and 12th. Pray for lots more donations of valuable stuff, and for good, sunny weather. :)

ahhh... I'll update the sidebar when we actually get the I800A mailed.... :) until then I'll pace around the house- or do dishes. :)

Don't know what to call this...

2009-08-17T13:23:00.000-05:00

OK. Haven't blogged in a while.

I experienced a moment yesterday that was one of those almost ethereal moments that stands out of space and time:

I'm in line for communion at church yesterday (a church I attended in College, and this was my first Sunday to go there in 10 years...). I hear the pastor say that there are two bowls next to the bread; one is white grape juice and one is wine. So, my immediate thoughts are like this: Wow, wine, huh... Can they do that, legally? In all my years as a Christian, it seems odd that I've NEVER had a communion with actual wine. It has always been grape juice... In the bible it was wine...

So, I approach the table to take communion and hesitate. I don't really like red wine. But, then again I've NEVER had communion with REAL wine before, just like in the Bible... So I dip my bread into the wine.

It's bitter.
I started to cry.
Jesus' blood is bitter.

It was a bitter, bitter thing for him to have to die on the cross for all of my sin. (I'm crying again as I type this.)

What a bitter, horrible thing, for God to have to give his ONLY son, in death so that He could be closer to ME! Oh my sorrowful heart. I had such an intense time in communion, like I've not had, probably since I came to Christ the first time. Just having that taste in my mouth, took me to an image of the upper room where Jesus, knowing he's going to die, serves the disciples bread and wine.

Very interesting experience, crying my eyes out during communion. Thank you God that your Spirit is still moving in that church, and that I'm still sensitive enough to feel it.

Dealing with Change...

2009-06-29T09:39:00.001-05:00

Well, we're officially settled in our new house. Still much to do to make it 'homey' and organized, but we're technically in... :) We've been here 3 weeks today.

Yesterday the air conditioner broke. Thankfully it's supposed to cool down this week to the mid-90's (note sarcasm here). AC dudes can come Tuesday. Steve's parents are driving RIGHT NOW to come and stay with us for a few days. Life is always such an adventure with me. If you want bland- DO not be friends with me... :)

So, last night, we decided as a family that it was healthy for us to experience life as the rest of the world does. We'll do a few days with no air conditioning. And in the meantime, we'll pray for our brothers and sisters around the world who deal with ceaseless heat and bugs.

Steve found a website this week where you can plug in your annual income, and it shows you where you are compared to the rest of the world. We're in the top 1%! That's crazy considering that we've been pinching pennies for years, and don't live an extravagent lifestyle by American standards. WE ARE SO SPOILED!

So, yes, it was 88 in the house last night as we went to sleep. BUT, we each went to sleep in a safe house, in a safe community, with screens on the windows, no malaria carrying mosquitos, and fans above our beds. As we slept, our tummies were still full from dinner, and we knew that there would be breakfast available for us in the morning.

Trying to keep a global worldview when I'm surrounded in opulence is difficult at times. So, I think I'm actually grateful for this experience. I am praying that it doesn't end in having to get a new AC or something else that is expensive- but I realize that God WILL provide if that is the case.

On another note. I'm an excited and nervous mommy today...

My 5 year old who has type 1 Diabetes is at a day camp with other diabetic kids this week! I'm soooo jazzed. They will do sports, crafts, songs, etc... AND they'll also have diabetes management education, AND get to bond with other kids with diabetes. So valuable, in so many ways for my little man.

It's also good practice for me, seeing as how I'll be leaving him with a kindergarten class daily in just few months... :)

God bless all of you random blog readers out there. May you be blessed with good health, hearts that clearly hear God's voice, and passion to embrace your day!

The girl effect...

2009-06-04T19:19:00.000-05:00

Ok- been forever since I've blogged. Let's just say life got a bit crazy on me... since I've posted, we've halfway moved halfway across the country.:) more on that later... (and yes, i meant to put halfway on there twice...)

I saw this and cried. Wowzers! I have no idea about the actual validity of the charity, but the concept is something I definitely agree with. I've been challenged by reading "Three cups of Tea" by Greg Mortenson...

Check it out:
The Girl Effect

Click on 'Agree' to start the video...

Oklahoma here we come!

2009-05-11T10:20:00.000-05:00

Woo hoo! We have a contract on our house to sell, and now we have a contract on a house to buy in Jenks, OK! We're excited.

Here are some pictures:

HOME STUDY FINALLY DONE!

2009-04-06T10:52:00.000-05:00

Well, months of waiting- and FINALLY the homestudy is ready for us to sign. Literally on the day we find out our fate regarding where we'll move... which means that after this REALLY LONG WAIT- that we will have to re-do or update the home study... :(

Steve has an interview today in Fort Worth at 1:00. I don't know how fast this company is to make decisions- but we have to make our decision and tell the Norfolk company TOMORROW! So- ahh.

I'm praying that the Fort Worth Company wants Steve badly enough to offer him the job in the next 24 hours. That way we'll have both offers on the table at the same time, and can make an informed decision.

Thank God for praying friends and family. I am a basket of nerves unless I'm fully ensconced in HIS presence.

Overkill

2009-03-30T19:59:00.000-05:00

Yet again, I find my heart heard and understood through music... my life stresses and worries, my fears, my love of a good song- are met through "Overkill" by Benjamin Gate today. I urge you to listen to it if you're not familiar with Benjamin Gate. They definitely rock- so turn your speakers up if you want an 'experience' of it.

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
Perhaps it's just imagination

Day after day it reappears
Night after night my heartbeat shows the fear
Ghosts appear and fade away

I can't get get to sleep
It only beings exasperation
It's time to walk the streets
Smell the desperation
At least there's pretty lights
And though there's little variation
It nullifies the night
From overkill

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
Of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications
Especially at night
I worry over situations
That I know will be alright
It's just overkill

"I love my family"

2009-03-07T00:01:00.001-06:00

"I love my family." That's how my two year old ended the evening tonight after I sang to him in bed... made my heart swell with pride and love... :)

We had a family prayer time tonight after dinner that was amazing, awesome, and should happen MUCH more often than it does... :) We prayed about our family's future, since we're feeling unsure of the local structural engineering industry/job security right now. It was so wonderful. We explained to the boys what we wanted to pray about, and how we want God to have His way with the future of our family.

We prayed, everyone took turns. My two year old would chime in between some of our prayers and just pray for each of us by name then say "Amen." :) My 5 year old prayed some really beautiful prayers. He always amazes me with his sensitivity to the spirit of God.

Then after we finished I said I wanted to go get my bible so that we could pray through or search for some scripture having to do with our family's future. I went to get my bible, and both boys then said "Me too" and went to get theirs. We all came back to the couch and I reminded them about how God will lead us to scripture when we need direction, guidance and hope. The story that my 5 year old opened to first was the story of Ruth and Naomi.

Beautiful.

The scripture I memorized for the response to Steve's proposal when he asked me to marry him was from this story. Let's see if I can quote it more than 10 years later... "Wherever you go, I will go. Wherever you stay, I will stay. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Where you die, I will die and there I will be buried. May the Lord do so unto me, and more also if anything but death separates you and me."

I love that he found this story, of all stories in the Bible at this time... This story is about a family with an uncertain future. Where will provision come from? Where will they go? What will they do? And in this account, they proclaim the faithfulness of God by declaring their dedication to one another. They stay together- and by the direction and leading of God given to Naomi, carried out by their obedience even when they didn't understand, they are redeemed and live under Boaz's protection and provision.

So, Father God. I recognize that this scripture that you gave to my son who hears and knows your voice, is indeed from you, for us, in this moment. We're fearful. We don't know what the future holds in regards to your provision and earthly security. But we trust you implicitly to lead us, provide for us, and speak to us as to what to do and when to do it. Help us to follow your leading even when we don't understand it.

Stinking awesome idea

2009-03-02T22:44:00.001-06:00

Another stinking awesome link... this one isn't spiritual though. :)

My friend made a dress for her little girl out of a men's shirt. I totally LOVE the idea- so I'm passing on the link!

http://www.craftster.org/forum/index.php?topic=170402.0

What is the Recession For?

2009-03-02T16:25:00.000-06:00

This is an article that my hubby alerted me to... A good gift of perspective in the times we're going through right now as a nation. It's a manuscript from a sermon given by John Piper.

Mommy wants a time out.

2009-02-13T15:01:00.000-06:00

Expectations. Isn't that the crux of so many life issues? aghhhh...

I have a lot of unmet expectations lately. I'm trying to stay thankful, and hopeful, but I'm going to take a minute and whine online about it and then get back to my hopefulness...

So, for weeks, the inlaws have been planning to keep our boys overnight, to give us a Valentine's date night that includes sleeping in, and to give the boys experience sleeping over there before our adoption goes through and we're gone for 10 days. We've been prepping the boys, talking about how fun it will be, how not to feel homesick, etc... And Wednesday night Steve comes down with some serious crud. He's in bed all day Thursday, and most of the day so far today.

So much for a romantic, fun-filled, doesn't matter: what time we eat, get home, how spicy the food is, how late the movie ends, sleep past when i normally have to get breakfast and an insulin shot in my 5 year old kind of relaxing date. Instead, I'm sterilizing the house, and maybe getting a chic flic at the library to watch alone while my hubby sleeps... and packing for the vacation we're leaving for on Wednesday... all the while praying that NO ONE else in the house gets this bug, so that we can go on a healthy vacation...

My other whine is that we're STILL waiting to get a copy of our home study. It's been six and a half weeks since we finished our meetings and we still don't have a copy of it or news that it's being edited/reviewed, etc... I'm kindof upset about it, not just for the fact that the last thing we heard was "as soon as I get it typed up"- but also that we paid thousands of dollars to them almost 5 months ago! It took until December to get the meetings done, and now it's FEBRUARY!!!

I'm tired. I should be resting instead of griping on the internet... oh well. I'm going to go clean the bathroom now. :)

Making a Blanket. Update! Thanks for the suggestions!

2009-02-07T18:07:00.000-06:00

Hi blogstalkers and friends,
I am making a blanket for a friend who is about to have a baby. I love making quilts like this. It's full of fun textures and colors... lightweight brown corderoy, pink furry stuff, pink fleece with fringe cut in it, plain cotton with paisley pattern, white silkey soft stuff...
So, here are some pics of the final product. Thanks to everyone who helped me determine what color/fabric to put on the back. I'm definitely not a perfectionist- (I can't stand to use patterns either) but maybe that's why I like the 'art' of sewing things for friends... It doesn't have to be perfect, it just needs to be from the heart. ;)
Thanks for the help and encouragement, friends!

I'm a nincompoop (I think it's probably appropriate that I can't even spell it)

2009-02-04T09:40:00.001-06:00

Well, I have had a few conversations with the Lord over the last week or so about the state of things. What I keep coming back to, over and over, is that HE IS IN CHARGE. "What man, by worrying, has ever added a day to his life?"
And, to top off my pretty intense conversations with God lately about the stability of Steve's job, the adoption process, and my expectations, was a conversation with another mom at preschool yesterday.
They started their adoption process for a little girl from China... in 2005! They still don't have their little girl.

I am officially a whiney nincompoop.

Here I am, looking at my process, that I've only been in for 6 months, and I'm whining. They've had to RE-DO their home study for a 3rd time recently, just to keep it up to date... And they don't have a referral yet...
Lord, I pray for Jeana's family. I pray that you bless them with the long-saught-after beautiful little girl they've been waiting on. Fill their hearts with your peace while they continue to wait. I pray for an abundance of hope and expectation to build within them that you are taking care of ALL of their needs and wants by your grace. Bless them with abundance and the provision necessary to complete this process...

Perspective. Thank you father God. You teach me the way I need to be taught, not the way I want to be taught.

Beginning my search

2009-01-30T10:55:00.000-06:00

Ok- so I have honestly NO idea when we'll bring our daughter home at this point. But I'm going to go ahead and begin my search for what to do with her bedroom. I was on overstock.com and saw this awesome Asian crib bedding set- but it definitely is Chinese silk, not Indian fabric.

Upi graciously agreed to bring back some pastel colored sarees back from India for me to attempt to sew something for her bedroom. So, I'm looking online for ideas/complimentary items. I probably won't start decorating for quite a while but I want to at least start my 'nesting' on the computer, if not by actually painting or sewing something. :)

So, I'm putting out an APB for ideas/suggestions. I'd love to do her room with a girly/indian theme... any ideas you send my way are welcome. :)

Because I forgot to post it over Christmas...

2009-01-27T11:47:00.000-06:00

I found a little note today that I had scribbled on December 22nd... I meant to post it somewhere so that I could 'memorialize' the quotes. So here it is, from snuggle time with my 5 year old just before bedtime:

"Mom, I don't think I like dinosaurs and lizards anymore. I like Speedracer and God."

And, another bedtime tradition, in order to bring on the good dreams... is for me to ask him what he's going to dream about. That night he said:

"Tonight I'm going to dream that I'm a wise man giving a present to Jesus. It's a box with a T-rex on it, full of toys for baby Jesus to play with."

Kids are awesome.

Many lessons in patience...

2009-01-14T14:08:00.000-06:00

Well, my ability to walk in patience with the adoption process ebbs and flows... I'm not doing well today on that. I'm so ready to take another step, move forward in some way, mail something, fingerprint something, just DO something. I can't decide if I should be calling someone to see if things could be sped up- or just sit and wait for a phone call, email, or letter to make my next move.

It's such a fine balance between attempting to push things through and speed up the process, and waiting and letting it go at its own pace. I love how God uses our natural circumstances to keep us where he wants us. If God wanted me to drive all over the state to take documents to different places, he probably would have freed up my schedule and provided someone to run my house/family for me... hmm... ;) So, I wait. Not patiently, but at least I'm waiting.

It reminds me of a devotion I taught in college once... I did a word study on the word wait, as in "wait on the Lord..." The different definitions really caused me to pause. One was to do with someone actively waiting on tables at a restaurant... I was challenged to take that into consideration as a possible definition on how to respond to the Lord. I can sit, and stagnate, tapping my foot... OR- I can be actively waiting, serving those around me, and consider myself useful.

Now, I know there are definite advantages to both types of waiting- especially since there is a SURE call for peace and tranquility as we rest in His presence... but I am going to go with the proactive, filling the needs of others type of waiting right now. I need to take care of my family, get the laundry done, clean up those goldfish crackers that have been under the kitchen table for 3 days, and 'wait' on the Lord. Might as well make myself useful and make myself into a blessing for others, instead of just waiting for MY blessing to come.

First tooth lost!

2008-12-30T14:10:00.000-06:00

Our 5 year old is such a trooper. I kept bugging him when his tooth got loose, and joked with him about sneaking up to him to pull it out... Then I had a genius idea if I do say so myself. I got on youtube with him and showed him videos of other kids pulling out their loose teeth. :) He got all excited and laughed through most of them. So today he decides he wants to get the dental floss out and pluck it out! After lunch, we put the 2 yr old down for a nap, and got out the camera and the dental floss... HE DID IT! He pulled it out all by himself! Check it out:

Proud little man!

Woo Hoo! Home Study finished!

2008-12-29T14:16:00.000-06:00

Woo Hoo! Finally, the home study is finished. On to the next and even more expensive parts of the process... :) Nothing like paying hundreds of $$$ to get your fingerprints done... again... :)

I'm really just over the top excited that we're putting another notch in our 'adoption process' belt, and putting the home study behind us.

We had a great week last week in OK with my mom and brother's fam. It was fun, relaxing, and I ate my weight in sweets.

Now I'll plug along, back to real life. Thankfully I have a week before we start back to Preschool and other scheduled events.

I cannot believe it's almost 2009!

I bought her a Christmas present.

2008-12-10T10:23:00.000-06:00

So, I went on a girls' weekend and had a glorious time. We had relaxing times by the fireplace, good conversation, some dinners in, some dinners out, shopping, laughing, devotions, and SLEEP (although none of us slept great because we weren't in our own beds...).

While out shopping, I had to remind myself that in order to afford the adoption itself, I can't start buying things for my daughter yet... If I fill her closet, we won't have the cash to actually bring her home. :)

Then I went to the Carter's outlet...

I am a complete sucker for a good deal. They had these cute little 1 pc long sleeved outfits that snap up the legs... and with my friend's coupon, they were $3.19 each... I bought 5. I picked some out in three different sizes (what size will you be, little one?). So, we're officially $17 farther away from our adoption savings potential- but I don't think I regret it (at least not yet). :)

Adoption video

2008-12-02T15:26:00.000-06:00

I stole this off youtube and wanted to post it even though I didn't personally make it...

I was laying in bed last night doing adoption math- and realized that our little girl has not only been conceived already- but she might be born... and if not- she'll be born soon. It makes me pray even more for our birth mom. God give her strength to make good decisions in these last days... Let her birth go smoothly, and although she knows she cannot raise our little girl, let her have some assurance that we'll do it for her- and do it well.

Will she be home next Christmas?

Home Study Scheduled!

2008-11-26T16:35:00.000-06:00

I'm so excited. After a period of waiting (which I know will only continue with other paperwork/processes in the adoption)- we're scheduled to complete our home study! We've got the appointments on the calendar and I'm sooo excited and ready to go!

Woo hoo!

Oh- and as far as God coming through for us financially... He's amazing. We didn't get the check when we thought- but sought him out and waited. We got the check today... and it was for 2x as much as we were hoping/expecting! Hallelujah! He's definitely a God who acts at 11:59- but He's so good.

God always provides.

2008-11-24T10:29:00.000-06:00

Psalm 37:23-25
If the LORD delights in a man's way, he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the LORD upholds him with his hand. I was young and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread.

Today I'm grateful. I wish I could say it was the case every day- but I'm trying. Life with Christ is a walk, a process, right?

So, in praying about the holidays- we felt/decided that we should drive to see family this year. Because of the adoption we don't know what next year will look like. We don't know when we might be traveling to go pick up our cutie in India... and a 2 week trip to India will not only demand our finances and our energy but it will demand all of my hubby's available vacation time (and then some...).

So, we looked at the books and thought: It is not possible. We're doing our best to live without using debt/credit as an option. While this invigorates and excited us, it also challenges us immensely. It's so easy to look at the upcoming pay periods and think... we'll have extra money in a few weeks- let's just do it now and pay for it when that paycheck comes in 2 weeks... But I have been really convicted about that kind of living lately and so we're challenging ourselves to truly and honestly live with delayed gratification. And, sometimes that means forgoing big things. We started to get worried this week because we were expecting a check that did not come.

So- we asked ourselves. Now what? The fact that the check should have come is true. The fact that it did not is also true.

I'm reminded of one of my favorite Jim Elliot quotes: (paraphrased based upon my memorization of it from about 15 years ago) What is, is actual. What might be, simply is not. Therefore we must not query God as though he has robbed us of something that is not. Let not our longing slay our appetite for living.

Live in the now. Not in the almost or maybe or hopefully.

So, we believed that we were supposed to keep planning for a trip, even though we would be down to the wire on it budget-wise. Because we are without this check, we're literally budgeted down to the $10 mark... We can do the trip- as long as we pack meals on the way, etc. and not eat out.

Then God came through. We got three checks this weekend totalling $55. Andy's Bday party cost $47.21. I got 5 secret shop jobs over the weekend that totalled (not including all the reimbursed items) $25 of payment. Andy's cake was $22. So, the money that we had originally budgeted for his party- was left untouched. Isn't that just like God. The earned/expected $ didn't come. The unexpected $ did come. With $10 to spare.

So, we'll have what we need. not because we earned it- but because God is Good.

Operation Christmas Child

2008-11-20T12:37:00.001-06:00

We packed our boxes up full of goodies for kids around the world, then prayed over them.. The kids prayers nearly moved me to tears. I love these kiddos!

It ended up being Lindsay, Buffy and me- but I forgot to get the camera out until the end... and I had anal retentively pre-packed the boxes- so the kids only put stuff on top and we finished up... :) My kiddos were excited about the whole process. The ladies at the church ooh-ed and ahh-ed over our kids too- so that helped as well. We got to see where the put all the little boxes in big boxes, and then they got to see the giant truck that will get loaded up with presents!

What a wonderful experience... Next time I'll be less comandeering (I was so focused on packing those boxes like a well-fit puzzle- but Buffy said they just dump them to check them anyway- so next time I'll let the kids pack them.)...

For my friends who were interested:

2008-11-18T08:41:00.000-06:00

Yes- I sec. shop.... As long as you have access to a computer, and in most cases, a digital camera or scanner to get a pic of the receipt/business card from your job, you can do this.

I struggled with the same issue of wondering whether a company is legit or not- so I can totally understand. I found the Myst Shop Providers Assoc online, and ended up getting certified with them (it's not mandatory to get good jobs though). They have two parts of their website, one is for shoppers, one is for companies. I actually went to the company pages and found companies there- since I figured if they paid to be members of this legitimate association, then they're for real.

http://www.jobslinger.com/ is a kind of monster.com-like website that posts job openings. I can't verify the legitimacy of the companies though- so you might want to see if they're MSPA members, or if they're listed below before you sign up. (not all legit companies are members of the MSPA- but I just started there for safety then signed up with more as I heard about them in the MS Meetup or other places online.)

Since there are so MANY companies out there- if you'd like to know which companies shop specific industries, just ask and I'll lead you toward those specific industries... I'd be happy to answer any questions you have- since it's such a huge industry with many facets. All companies do require that you sign an confidentiality agreement though... so some things will remain hush hush... :)

There are jobs for oil changes, groceries, movies, clothing/retail, restaurants, hotels, etc... Some have reimbursements or payments, some offer both...

If any of these sites ask who referred you- ask me and I'll give you the email address I use for that so i can get a possible referral bonus if you live in an area that they desperately need people...

This is not going to be terribly profitable overall. It is definitely a good way to eat out and then get reimbursed for it, or get small (or sometimes big) items for free because the company reimburses for part of your purchase... I average about 20 jobs a month, and usually get about $200 in payments and about $250 in reimbursement.

Some companies pay really quickly (like a week after the job), others pay like 2 months after the end of the month that you do the job. So- read the info on their site before you accept a job, so that you know how long you'll be waiting to be paid, and/or reimbursed. Some pay by direct deposit, others by paypal, others by check. It should say on their 'agreement' form that you sign how they pay and how often.

Some jobs are super easy, 5 minutes in the store, 5 minutes reporting online. Other jobs take an hour in a store, and an hour to report online. When you sign up with a company, they'll start sending you email job postings, and you can read the posting, click on the link to read a little more info about it, and then you'll have the opportunity to accept it or just ignore/delete the email. You could sign up with 30 companies as an independent contractor, but then never accept a job if the jobs don't look like something you'd want to do... (Independent Contractor means they don't commit to hire you for anything, and you don't commit to work unless you accept a specific job. They also don't take any taxes out- so you'll be responsible for reporting it on your income taxes. You basically report everything you get paid as self employment income, then subtract out the 'required purchases/reimbursed things' as a business expense, and what you're left with is the actual 'income' you get taxed on. Talk to a CPA if you can't do all that yourself though...)

Also, shops get posted in waves, so if you check and there's nothing in Tulsa (or your city) right now, it's likely that within a few weeks, something might be posted, and you'll get an email. Some jobs are self-assign (the first person to accept it gets to do it). Others are by application, and then the scheduler picks who they want to do it, based upon experience and demographics.

Hope this helps- and doesn't overwhelm you too much. :)

Ok friends- I had a really hard time emailing this- but maybe I can get it to post here... Here are the links for you:
Mystery Shoppers Providers Association (MPSA)http://www.mysteryshop.org/index-na.php
Mystery Shopping and Merchandising Resource and Message Boards links
Volition Job Board http://forum.volition.com/
Volition Main Board http://www.volition.com/mystery.html
Mystery Shop Resources http://www.mysteryshopresources.com/home.html
Mystery Shop Forum http://www.mysteryshopforum.com/list/3
Lila's Lounge http://finance.groups.yahoo.com/group/LilasLounge/join
Shopping with Debby http://www.shoppingwithdebby.com/
Cathy's Corner http://forums.delphiforums.com/cathyscorner2/start
MSFreedom http://www.msfreedom.org/
Free access to mystery shopping company lists http://www.krowtensatellite.com/shop.html
Mystery Shopping Wallboosters http://walletboosters.com/mysteryshopping.html
Company Name - - - - - - - -

Web Site (click on links)
Sign up with each company that uses KOIOS for online reporting individually.All Shop Group http://www.allshopgroup.com/ (No online reporting at this time)
Reflections Mystery Shopping http://www.reflectionsms.com/
Sign up with each company that uses Sassie for online reporting individually. Ann Michaels & Associates http://sassieshop.com/2annmichaels/index.norm.php
AQ Services International https://www.sassieshop.com/sassie/SassieShopperSignup/Signup.php?EmsID=3MrwqqIl%2FRA%3D
Ath Power/Courtesy Counts http://www.sassieshop.com/2ap123/index.norm.php
Bank Atlantic (Florida Shoppers Only) http://sassieshop.com/2bankatlantic/index.norm.php
Bare Associates http://www.sassieshop.com/2bareusa/index.norm.php
Benchmark Collaborative http://www.sassieshop.com/2benchmark
Beyond Hello http://www.sassieshop.com/2beyondhello/index.norm.php
California Marketing Specialists http://www.sassieshop.com/2californiamarketing/index.norm.php
Capstone Research http://sassieshop.com/2capstoneresearch/index.norm.php
Cirrus Marketing http://www.sassieshop.com/2cirrus/index.norm.php
Confero Inc. http://www.sassieshop.com/2confero/index.norm.php
Corporate Risk Solutions http://www.sassieshop.com/2crs/index.norm.php
Customer Service Experts http://www.sassieshop.com/2csexperts/index.norm.php
Customerize http://www.sassieshop.com/2customerize/index.norm.php
David Sparks and Associates https://www.sassieshop.com/sassie/SassieShopperSignup/Signup.php?EmsID=QT90iJJJ2c4%3D
Draude marketing Service http://www.sassieshop.com/2draude/
Franchise Compliance http://www.sassieshop.com/2franchisecompliance/index.norm.php
Harris Teeter (BAI) http://www.sassieshop.com/2harristeeter/index.norm.php
Intellishop http://sassieshop.com/2intellishop/index.norm.php
Ipsos-Insight http://www.sassieshop.com/2ipsos/index.norm.php
Kern Scheduling http://www.sassieshop.com/2kern/index.norm.php
Market Trends Pacific http://www.sassieshop.com/2markettrends/index.norm.php
Marketing Endeavors http://www.sassieshop.com/2me/index.norm.php
Mercantile Systems http://www.sassieshop.com/2mercsurveys/index.norm.php
Mystery Shoppers http://www.sassieshop.com/2mysteryshoppers/index.norm.php
Mystery Shoppers Inc. http://sassieshop.com/2mysteryshopinc/index.norm.php
Mystique Shopper, LLC http://www.sassieshop.com/2mystique/index.norm.php
Nationwide Service Group http://www.sassieshop.com/2nis/index.norm.php
Phanton Shoppers http://www.sassieshop.com/2phantom/
Professional Review http://sassieshop.com/2proreview/index.norm.php
Quinn Marketing and Communications http://www.sassieshop.com/2quinn/
Reality Check http://www.sassieshop.com/2rcms/
Restaurant Evaluators http://www.sassieshop.com/2resteval/index.norm.php
Secret Shopping Services http://www.sassieshop.com/2sss
Service Alliance http://www.sassieshop.com/2servicealliance
Service Check http://www.sassieshop.com/2servicecheck/index.norm.php
Service Excellence Group http://www.sassieshop.com/2serviceexcellence/index.norm.php
Service Impressions http://www.sassieshop.com/2serviceimpressions/index.norm.php
Service Performance Group http://www.sassieshop.com/2serviceperformance/index.norm.php
Service Savvy http://www.sassieshop.com/2servicesavvy/index.norm.php
Service Sleuths http://sassieshop.com/2servicesleuths/index.norm.php
SG Marketing http://www.sassieshop.com/2sgmarketing/index.norm.php
Sparks & Associates http://www.sassieshop.com/2dsa/index.norm.php
Speedmark http://www.sassieshop.com/2green/index.norm.php
TNS Intersearch http://www.sassieshop.com/2tns/index.norm.php
The Zellman Group http://www.sassieshop.com/2zellmangroup/index.norm.php

Ok- for some reason, I can't get the others to post normally again and reveal the web address. I'll try again later! As you can see the only ones I listed are the ones that use sassie software for reporting.

Wow!

2008-11-03T14:41:00.000-06:00

Ok- so I'm trying to be content with the length and feel of the process of adoption- and am constantly before God's throne about it, even though we've just barely started!

So, I decided for some encouragement I would go to the website I had found and look at pictures of the orphanage and babies that had been adopted out of there (the actual orphanage where our little one will be/is). So, I'm on that site, looking at the same pictures I have looked at before, when I see links to families that have adopted from there. I randomly click on one and start to read a post. I realize that this family looks a lot like ours... and that they're in the process of adopting a second little girl from India. :)

Then I start to read the latest post. I'm so moved by it, and so encouraged, because it's all about the DAY they are picking up their second daughter in India! I'm so excited for their family. I think to myself that I didn't notice the date it was posted. I look and see that it was posted TODAY! They are with their little girl for the first day RIGHT NOW! I am so blessed to be a part of their experience- even though they don't know who I am.

One of her comments on her post was to all the other families who are waiting in the process- she said something about resting easy- because our little ones are getting hugs from her today. That brought me to tears. I know the Ayah's there are doing a wonderful job- but knowing that another mom is there, hugging potentially on MY little girl just so moved me.

I'm so excited. God help me get through all this paperwork!

JDRF Article about our family team!

2008-09-26T11:08:00.000-05:00

Amazing worship time tonight... Here are the lyrics just in case you could use an amazing worship time too:

2008-09-18T20:49:00.000-05:00

Lyrics to When You Are Near
by Jeremy Camp :

There’s no need to say a thing,
When I’m before you in this silence
I feel refreshed with peace
Break this noise
That binds the voice
That tries speak
Open up my eyes to see
Your gracious sovereign reach

[CHORUS] It’s hard to talk when I feel that you are near,
When all is quiet it’s the beauty that I hear,
This hidden place where I know that you calm my fears
I know that you’ve washed my tears

The seasons of change I’ve faced
Have never left me wounded
Only scars of hurt
But never deeply rooted
This healing I have felt
No burden can replace
Redemptive hope has been the story of my pain
All is lost without the breath of life you give
And you give so much
I want nothing more than you
so here’s my heart

Find this on youtube and worship Jesus with me- in spirit- if not in real-time...

Donate your frequent flyer miles?

2008-09-12T10:18:00.000-05:00

(I grabbed this image from someone's flikr page... I can't wait to meet my own sweet pea!)
Ok- so I'm looking into all possible areas of saving money for the adoption, and I realized... what if we were able to accrue enough frequent flyer miles to redeem toward part of our flight to go pick up our child? That would be amazing- and would save us a considerable amount of money at the end of our adoption journey!

Update as of 11/19/2008- I found out that it costs a significant amount to even

'give' your miles to us *Around $200 for 25K (the equivalent of a domestic ticket)! What a bummer! If you're still willing, that would be great- but it looks like unless you've got enough to redeem for 2 tickets to India and back, we'll need to go another route... :) So, calling all friends with 150,000 frequent flyer miles... :) wanna redeem your miles for two tickets to India for your friends? :)

So- if you stumble upon this blog and want to help- email me and we'll see how to do it... Maybe you have just enough miles accrued to get us bumped up to where we have enough for a flight? I imagine that there are a lot of us out there who have a small amount of miles- but not enough to redeem... so maybe if you don't have plans for accruing more, you could donate them toward a good cause. :) It takes a minimum of 25,000 miles with most airlines for a flight... 75K for an international flight (at least that's what it used to be).

Anyway- I don't know if it would work- but hey, it's worth a try...

"A generous man will prosper; he who refreshes others will himself be refreshed."
Proverbs 11:25

On the road to adoption.

2008-09-03T10:05:00.000-05:00

So, we've officially started the adoption process. As of August 26th, we mailed in application #1 (of the many forms we'll be filling out over the next year or so).

I'm nervous, excited and in awe of God's grace. I'm amazed that we're able to start the process- and even more amazed because I know God will walk us through it and provide for us along the way.

I need to go buy a journal that I can start writing in as we walk through the process. I want to write down my prayers for our little girl, and write down what the experience is like as we go through the waiting and preparation time.

I don't know if you're even conceived yet, little one- but mommy and daddy are already praying for your development, your attachment and for God's spirit to be with you and your birth mommy, every step of the way. While your birth mommy may not have 'planned' you- we have planned to bring you into our family for years! I know with every ounce of my being that you are 'fearfully and wonderfully made' that 'before you were formed in your mothers womb, He knew you.'

We're praying and waiting for you.
I know that Rebecca St. James' song was written as she waited for her husband- but some of the words are ringing in my memory now as I wait for my little one:

Darling did you know that I
I dream about you
Waiting for the look in your eyes
When we meet for the first time

Darling did you know that I
I pray about you
Praying that you will hold on
And keep your loving eyes only for me

Cause,I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Cause, I am waiting for
Praying for you darling
Wait for me too
Wait for me as I wait for you
Darling wait
Darling wait

Lord, give me a true Mother's love, that only you can impart, and prepare the spot in my heart for the little girl you will bring us, in your timing, and by Your hand.

More tears for India:

2008-08-28T08:39:00.001-05:00

[This is email is from someone working in tribal areas in the region near Orissa. For security I have abbreviated and eliminated proper names and place names. Clarifications are in italics & brackets.]

[Beginning of report] “Dear Friends, Orissa burns… Pray for our beloved fellow believers in Jesus. DR. GRAHAM STAINES suffered with his two sons some years ago in a fiery blaze when his vehicle was set ablaze. Now other believers in Jesus are suffering the same way.

“We awoke this morning with the sun shining brilliantly in through our living room windows. What a JOY it was to see it appear after an all night vigil, waiting for reassuring reports that our Children’s Home in B--, Orissa was safe and sound. Plus we have had continuous rain for over a week and the tumultuous clouds had ruled the skies… Yesterday in the evening, phone contact revealed that some 25-30 miscreants, with a container of petrol, had attempted to forcibly enter the campus in B--, Orissa and on not succeeding, broke down the two crosses that had crowned the pillar posts of the main entrance gate.

Gate Entrance to Church & Children’s Home - Crosses were torn down on 25.Aug. 08

Worship Hall in B-- Orissa.

Boys in the B-- Home
.
“THE ABOVE WERE SAVED FROM DESTRUCTION WITH THE TIMELY ARRIVAL OF POLICE YESTERDAY…AUG. 25, 2008. Seven armed constables arrived soon after and the gang scurried for cover. Reports then in came reports of church buildings that had been set ablaze in D--, P-- and V-- and some other ten places in this immediate area. The Indian version of CNN T.V. continued a report of the conflagration spreading throughout the state, every few minutes. A few kilometers outside of B--, a Catholic orphanage for destitute, lower caste girls was set ablaze after the children were allowed to evacuate. It was later revealed that two young girls, fearing for their lives, stayed behind in hiding and went up in flames. A young Catholic nun..(sister) pled with the mob to spare their place of abode, but instead in vengeance they threw her into the blazing building and burnt her alive. The Catholic Priest managed to escape with severe burns from the fire and beatings. He succumbed later to his wounds in the hospital. These reports were conveyed by the constabulary stationed on the B-- Campus.

“On receiving this news 3 battalions of armed Security personnel arrived in the city to protect our property and the Children’s home. Even then, they were apprehensive of the outcome of such a possible encounter and requested Pastor B-- to leave the Church property and to go into hiding outside. He pleaded…”No, I cannot go and will NOT leave the children,” who were some 56 in number. He would have been committing suicide to leave the campus and be confronted by an unruly, angry mob armed with axes, spears and clubs. The armed forces then packed the boys into the girls quarters, with three lady staff members, Pastor B-- and his family and were told to remain quiet and out of sight. They spent the night in prayer, listening to the shouts of the mob outside, seeking revenge for the murder of one of their highly respected [Hindu] priests, by the Jungle Militia, some 100 kilometers to the South. We can say confidently that Christians had nothing to do with that incident, BUT while “ Rome burns; destroy the Christians”, was their goal. The negative report given in the media states that this ‘COMMUNAL TENSION’ has arisen due the large number of convrsons to Christianity by the missionaries, is totally unacceptable and could well be the match that will ignite future fires. The prayers of GOD’S PEOPLE world-wide are requested. Pray for peace and reconciliation in these troubled waters. May His People shine like the morning sun in service to the masses.” [End of report]

What is happening is more or less a pogrom against Christians in Orissa. Currently most of the violence is happening in two districts of the state – it is feared that this will spread. The Hindu, a major national newspaper has carried reports of the violence on the front page for the last several days. This violence has spread due to the murder in Orissa of one of the leaders of a Hindu social / political group called the VHP. Though an investigation of the murder has been ordered by government, elements of the group have framed the murder as a Christian conspiracy against the VHP and violent reprisals have ensued leaving many Christian homes, churches, & other institutions burned. The death toll as reported by The Hindu today was 9 confirmed on Wednesday morning, expected to rise to 14 with unconfirmed incidents during the day on Wednesday.

Please pray for the church in India that it would make Christ’s Name famous in the way it responds to this suffering. Is. 52:13 & 53, 1 Pet. 3:13-18, 1 Pet. 4:12-19.

Praying for my little girl, who will probably come from India:

2008-08-20T20:31:00.000-05:00

I've been pretty focused on how to get this adoption process rolling lately- and also excited by all the resources on the internet that are helpful/interesting.

Here is a quote I found that makes me want to expedite the process all the more:

(This is an article about adoption within the country of India- the way it has been for their orphans over the last 10 years...)
Over the last decade, although the male child is still preferred, the number of families that have registered to adopt a baby girl has gone up. Couples who want a male child have to wait for three to four years while the waiting period for families who prefer girls is no more than six months. However, the notion that fair is beautiful and fair is class has impeded the adoption of dark complexioned babies or those who have flat noses in the belief that these babies were born to parents of an inferior caste and class. Unless this mindset changes, the many children who have no say in their physical appearance will continue to languish in institutions, longing for a home and a loving family. (Courtesy: Women's Feature Service) ⊕
Swapna Majumdar 23 Oct 2005
http://www.indiatogether.org/2005/oct/rvw-adoption.htm

This was taken from the website of a Muslim orphanage in India: (And I know it's only a matter of semantics or different word choice in different cultures... but it saddens me that the orphaned kids in this place are being called 'inmates.')
The girl inmates are housed separately in the newly constructed 3- storied building at 2, Sharif Lane, Calcutta 700016. On 31.3.2001 there were 290 girls in the Girls' section , all of whom are provided with free food, lodging, cloth, medical aid and all necessities of life. They are provided basic education in the Government approved primary school inside the building and thereafter sent to High School for their Madhyamik or High Madrasah Examination. Besides one whole time residential teacher there are three part time subject lady teachers for giving them tuition after school hours. Special attention is paid to impart Islamic Education as well as tailoring, Knitting and other handicraft works, three specially for religions teachings, and two for sewing and knitting works. To provide complete and thorough health care for the girl inmates there is a 10 bed medical word. The Girls' supervisory committee assisted by ladies sub committee, Lady superintendent, office assistant, Matrons and other staff look after administration of Girls, section. Pardah system is strictly in vogue for girl inmates.
http://www.calcuttamuslimorphanage.org/girls.html

Join me in praying for my little girl. I don't know if she's even been conceived yet- or what the circumstance will be of her conception and why she'll be up for adoption- but I pray in Jesus' Name that she'll be covered and protected from the plans of the enemy. I pray that she'll know the One who created her and who destined her to have purpose and hope and a future. I pray that she'll bond with our family and truly 'adopt' us as her own, for life. Father, go where I cannot, and protect my baby. She is truly, wholly in your hands Lord.

The most beautiful prayer time

2008-08-07T20:31:00.000-05:00

I just had one of the most beautiful prayer times I've ever had.

I was feeling selfish and grumpy because I didn't get to go to a prayer meeting that I was hoping to go to tonight- because I never heard back if there was childcare available... (funny to re-read that and feel selfish and grumpy about not going to pray...)

So, I decided that the boys and I would have our own prayer time and pray for all the stuff they were covering at the meeting I was missing. It was a prayer meeting for a team from our church going to the Olympics in China to do outreach.

So the boys sat down, and I went to get my Bible out of the car. Andy then said "Oh, let me go get mine out. And then he ran also and got Evan's bible out of his room. He brought both little Bibles down to the table where we were sitting, and they pulled up their little yellow plastic chairs to the coffee table with me. We then opened up their picture Bibles and would pray over the pictures that we saw. I loved it! We first opened it to a picture of David and Goliath, so we prayed for the team not to be scared if they were facing something big and fearful. We prayed for them to be victorious.

Then we opened to where Jesus healed the 10 lepers/people with skin diseases- and prayed that the team would be anointed to pray and see healings wherever they ministered. I prayed that God would open doors for the team- and then Andy prayed for the actual doors of the houses of people who don't know Jesus to be opened as the team was walking by! (Brilliant that we would actually take the prayer literally!- that DOORS would open.)

Then Evan opened his Bible to a picture of an angel... so we prayed for angels to guard and watch over the team wherever they went...

Andy has a little tiny globe that we use to pray over countries at night before bed. We both put our finger on China and prayed for all the people there to know Jesus. Andy prayed that they would all hear Jesus' voice. Then even Evan laid his little hand on China, and repeated after me "Dear God, I pray for China, Amen."

Then I mentioned to Andy that the team had been ministering in orphanages. I asked him if he knew what an orphan was... I told him it was a child with no mommy and daddy... because either the mommy and daddy died- or something else happened where the parents couldn't take care of the child. He then started to cry- and then I started to cry- and so together, in tears we prayed for the orphans of China. We prayed for them to have a mommy and daddy and brothers and sisters to adopt them and love them.

I then told Andy that the team leader had to stay home, and couldn't go on the trip because the Doctors said his heart was sick... Andy said "Oh no!"- and then we prayed for Al's heart to be healed. He also prayed for EVERYONE in China to be healed. (Ahh the faith of a child! Let me have it Lord!)

It was wonderful.

Yes, I would have loved to have been at the meeting. But I wonder if this is what God wanted from my family instead... What a precious gift.

Support Andy in the JDRF Walk for a Cure!

2008-08-06T19:52:00.000-05:00

Support Andy in the 2008 Walk to Cure Diabetes

As you may know, our 4 year old son Andy was diagnosed in February with Type 1 Diabetes. We have had a steep learning curve with this devastating disease in the last 6 months. Basically, Andy's pancreas stopped producing insulin, so we give him shots twice a day to help his body to function normally, without his organs shutting down (what happens if he doesn't get insulin).

This year, our family will be taking part in JDRF's Walk to Cure Diabetes (along with 500,000 other walkers across the country) as we raise money for research to be done to find a cure.There is some good news, though. For the first time, scientists are predicting that we CAN expect to see a cure well within our lifetime!

Now, more than ever, you can make a crucial difference. Won't you please give to Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation as generously as possible? Together, we can make the cure a reality! Our family fundraising goal is $1500. I personally think we can raise much more than that though! Would you please contribute? If everyone receiving this letter gave $25, we'd reach our goal! If you decide you'd like to give more, we'd exceed our goal and kids like Andy would be that much closer to getting a cure!

Please visit my Walk Web page if you would like to donate online or see how close I am to reaching my personal goal:http://walk.jdrf.org/walker.cfm?id=87039487

Thanks for joining us in finding a CURE!

Sarah

P.S. If you're interested in joining our team, the walk is held on Sept 13th at America the Beautiful park in Colorado Springs. There will be lots of events for kids, vendors with snacks, etc. Registration starts at 9:00, the walk starts at 10:00. It's a 5k, so bring your kids in strollers and walk as much of it with us as you want!

Neat Video on YouTube about Type1

Grateful.

2008-08-02T23:13:00.000-05:00

OK- so I am thinking of a song I learned on my first trip to India, and I realized that particular trip was 10 years ago!

The chorus of the song is "I am, I am so Grateful."

I have been singing this in my head all evening- even though my day started out much differently.

I was ANGRY!!!

I was angry at God for allowing this disease into our lives. I was angry that he would give the disease to my 4 year old son, and not to me instead... I was angry that although I've attempted a number of times to get involved or get to know others with Type 1 Diabetes in this community, every effort has ended in frustration. I was angry that everyone is not as detail minded as I am. I was angry that I was ANGRY!

So I cried. A lot. And now I'm not angry any more. I'm still sad- but at least I'm not mad, right?

So, I do believe that since the word says that we don't think about God unless the Holy Spirit prompts us to do so-- that it means that the Holy Spirit is active in me tonight. For me to go from Angry this morning, to Grateful this evening, is really nothing short of a miracle.

I choose gratefulness, Jesus. I choose to recognize all that you have done and all that you will do in my life- and in the lives of my family members. I'm grateful in advance for the healing you will bring my precious son. I'm grateful for how you're going to deliver us from a place of dependence on insulin- to a place of only dependence upon You.

And- I'm grateful that you're providing a job, and a future for Dorothy and her family. I'm grateful Lord that you're healing Dana's dad, as I type this. I'm grateful that you're taking my friend Aimee through an incredible mothering journey right now- and teaching her more about love than she ever knew before. I'm grateful that you're causing a bond to form between Comfort and Caleb that will never be broken. I'm grateful that you're stirring up a hunger within Shannon, to feast upon your word- and find joy in it. I'm grateful that you've shown Katie how to love Scott, through her own discomfort and loneliness. I'm grateful that you have a bosom friend out there for Britta- but that most of all, you're her BEST friend. I'm grateful that you're healing John and Sabrina's bodies- and making the rough places smooth... and that you're taking care of Sabrina's mom when Sabrina can't be there with her. I'm grateful that you have a little girl out there, who might not even be conceived yet- who is going to be mine someday- and that YOU will teach me and lead me into the adoption at just the perfect time- so that she's ready when we're ready.

I choose gratefulness God. I choose You.
Thanks for choosing me.

Here are the lyrics (I think) of the song I learned on the mission trip to Calcutta:

Eternally Grateful- Kenny Carter

I am eternally grateful to you Jesus
For your love, for your love
Eternally grateful to you Jesus
For the giving of your blood
I am eternally grateful to you Jesus
For the coming of the Dove

Chorus:
I am, I am, I am so grateful Oh---
I am, I am, I am so grateful

You are the Fountain of Life Eternal
Saying, thirsty one, drink your fill
The Fountain of Life Eternal
Saying, weary one, peace be still
You are the Fountain of Life Eternal
Flowing from Calvary's hill

You are exalted as King forever
And I find myself praising your name
Exalted as King forever
And I watch for Your coming again
You are exalted as King forever
And forevermore You shall reign

You are, You are, You are Messiah Oh--
You are, You are, You are Messiah Oh--
I am, I am, I am so grateful Oh---
I am, I am, I am so grateful

God is so faithful.

2008-07-28T10:54:00.000-05:00

God is so faithful to answer the cries of his people.
I've been so hungry lately for answers, for God to speak, and for more intense forward motion in my walk with Him.

I'm really being met lately- and I'm sooo grateful.

I listened to a teaching online from a friend's church in California a week ago or so. In that teaching, the speaker mentioned that in 1 Cor 14, it says "Follow the way of love and eagerly desire spiritual gifts, especially the gift of prophecy." And when he shared about that- about EAGERLY desiring the prophetic gift- he mentioned a time in his life when he was challenged to give a word over every person at a specific meeting... and that God came through, and spoke something to him for each person that came up...

I was amazed hearing that. How different from my past view of prophecy. My past view of it is more of an idea that God would speak something very specific for someone very specific, and then it's done... or that maybe God would speak to 5 out of the 500 in the room... and that it was this 'sacred' experience that was for only a select few. But I'm beginning to think that the only real restraints on God speaking are:

the giver hearing,
the person receiving being willing or not to receive,
and that practically speaking, there is not enough time to use one person with prophetic gifting, to speak to every person in the room...

Maybe that's why we're to 'especially' desire prophecy. Because God needs more willing people to step up and speak what He wants to say... He's eager for some earthly hearts (and mouths) to submit to Him, so that He can speak...

So, I met with some girlfriends last Tuesday, and earlier that day, I sought God. I asked him for a word for each of the girls that I would be meeting with. I prayed, I read the word, and I wrote down the things I thought he was telling me for each friend. Then that night, I shared with them what I felt like God had told me. I think (?) the words met each of them... but one of the scriptures seemed particularly strange for a friend that had recently had a baby, but I shared it anyway- only to find out that it really met that friend, and was right on...

I'm learning so much through this process, but probably the most important thing is that I have to let down my pride, and my self-consciousness, and just share what I think God is saying, even if it doesn't make sense to me. I have to be willing to look foolish for the sake of the Gospel (I GET IT!). In order for others to be met by a 'surprise' word from the Lord... I have to let it be a word from the Lord, and not tamper with it or question its applicability.

So, thanks, my friends, for letting me practice on you. It's scary, and potentially humiliating. But it is soo exciting and wonderful to me to feel used of God, and because you're my friends, let you respond back to me about close or far off the words might be.

Proverbs 25:11 says: A word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in settings of silver.

In other words, it's beautiful, and desirable.

Angelfire in a nutshell

2008-07-25T14:19:00.000-05:00

Our trip:
Eat at the slowest McDonald's known to man. And they were out of apples.
(You might be getting the idea that this blog post is going to be a bit of a rant...)
Escort my 2 kids up to the 3rd floor of the condo, past the two barking, growling German Shepherds on the way up and down the stairs, each time we enter or exit the condo.
After a little less than an hour, my 4 year old says "I'm bored."

Explore the town by car (takes about 10 minutes), then head to the local grocery to pick up various items, while kids throw fits and run away from me in the store.
Go have Chinese food, while the little guy screams and the big kid says a bit too loudly "I don't like poo poo" in reference to the poo poo platter we ordered...
Diabetes numbers ALL over the place, since most of our eating was done in restaurants, and the carb count was unknown...

they woke me up at 5:15 and 6:15.
Andy fell out of bed and I'm trying to shush his pained cries so he doesn't wake Evan...
the rollershade in our bedroom fell out of the window in the middle of the night and scared the peewaddle out of me.
Or the diarrhea diaper Evan had that leaked onto the white bathmat of my mom's friend's bathroom.

On a positive note:
Evan made a poopie in the toilet.
We got to put rocks in prairie dog holes.
We fed and petted alpacas.
Although the service was deplorable at the pizza place, the pizza was excellent.

:) enough whineyness from me. It was actually an interesting trip. I just feel a little sorry for my mom that she had to endure all that at her expense, and still call it a 'vacation.' i'm not sure that constant discipline of a 2 year old is anyone's idea of a retreat.